Total pages in book: 60
Estimated words: 56606 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 283(@200wpm)___ 226(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56606 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 283(@200wpm)___ 226(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Needing to put space between us, I step back before scooping up Hollis and heading to the slides. I’m here for him and this experience, not to stand around admiring the woman I can’t have.
“It’s really high, daddy,” Hollis tells me squeezing my hand as we climb the steps to the top platform.
“Yeah, it is.”
“Gonna go down fast,” he squeals with excitement.
That’s my boy, dare-devil, thrill seeking, adrenaline fueled and fearless little dude.
On one hand I want to remain angry with Anna and on the other I want to find some way to raise our son together with respect. It’s like two different sides in the emotional pendulum. Anger drives the fighting while respect goes a long way to a life of co-existing in peace.
Anger is easy to hold onto. I don’t feel like Anna wants to have peace with me. I gave up on the idea we could have love again a long time ago. It’s the fighting I want to stop.
I want to respect her as my son’s mother. I want her to respect me as his father. It’s very simple. I want us both to put our son above our needs and our emotions to give him the best childhood that neither of us had.
For Hollis, this moment, his joy, I’m not going to do that. I won’t taint today’s memories with her problems. I want to forget how my day started and let it go. Deciding to stay in the moment with my son, we continue to the top. At the landing, the attendant places the double ring float down and Hollis sits in his spot with me following behind.
“Hold me, daddy,” he tells me right before the attendant moves us into place.
I lean forward squeezing his shoulders as the water takes over pushing us rapidly down the tunnel slide with my boy laughing all the way. We hit the water, and it splashes around us. I shake my head to get the water out of my face and I’m immediately greeted by Maritza at the edge of the pool taking pictures. She’s smiling proudly in a way that hits me right to my very soul. The way she genuinely absorbs every memory with my son is inspiring. She treasures him and gets as excited as Hollis for both the little and big things. Life for him (and me) would be less enjoyable without her in it.
For a moment, it’s nothing but happiness for me, Maritza and my son. I want to stop the seconds from passing and stay right here, right now. The ease of today, the peace inside me, I wish I had more times like this.
“Zizi, did you see me?” he asks sliding out of the float and swimming right to the edge where Maritza is. Always going right to her.
She immediately scoops him up into her arms swinging him around. “I saw you! That was so fast! You were zooming right down and then it was a BIG splash.”
Hollis smiles proudly, “Zizi, you go with me?”
“Never had a better invitation, buddy,” she delights in telling him as they take off up the steps to come back down a slide again.
We spend the day in this easy way together. The three of us, splashing, smiling, and sliding. Hours pass and I find myself a bit sad as I notice the time.
“I don’t know about you, Hollis, but that peanut butter and jelly isn’t holding me over anymore. I’m hungry,” I tell my son as Maritza sorts through his bag getting dry clothes for him to change into.
“Chicken nuggies,” he requests which I knew was coming.
“Let’s go to the bathroom and change. We can get some nuggies at the golden arches on the way home.”
He shakes his head, “I want Zizi’s special sauce.”
She laughs, “hey, that’s our secret sauce,” she teases.
He looks to me, “it’s daddy, he won’t tell.”
We all laugh as I take him by the hand to guide us to the bathroom to change with Maritza following us to head into the women’s side. We all change and head to my truck. Maritza gets Hollis set up in his car seat like a professional while I stand back waiting to shut her door behind her.
This is by far the easiest day I’ve had since Hollis was born. How can one woman be a real partner making things flow naturally and another make every breath a challenge?
NINE
MARITZA
One Year Later
“Girl’s night!” Maritza chants while Dia applies her lip gloss.
“It’s been far too long,” I tell them both. We used to regularly have girls’ night. Whether we stayed home and did face masks, went to a movie, or out to a night club, we had this usual time together. Life gets in the way sometimes though and I miss this time with my girls.
With work, mom’s treatment schedule, and having Hollis, I haven’t been able to go out with my sister and Dia in what feels like forever. Thankfully, the treatment worked. Mom’s cancer is in remission. She will have to have more frequent doctor’s appointments for screenings than the average person, but this battle is behind us. Given it was just a few years ago we had been given what felt like a death sentence, I have trouble not being anxious. For now, we are celebrating this time of her health.