Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 135652 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135652 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
“You’ll see, but first,” I hear the door shut and lock. “I need to tell you a secret. Can you keep a secret?” The camera focuses on the boy’s face, which suddenly gets serious as he nods eagerly. Why am I suddenly feeling uneasy? Where are the animals in this barn? “Good. You’re very special to me Nathan. You’re my eldest Grandson. That means when I die, all of this will be yours.”
“All of what?” Nathan asks, his cute nose crinkling.
“My house, this barn, my cars.” Cars? I haven’t seen any cars. Maybe Nathan sold them.
“Cool! Can I have my present now?”
They enter another room, I don’t know much about barns, but I know they’re supposed to have more space than this. This room is a bit bigger than the last and I’m wondering why there’s a bed in the corner. Maybe it’s where the farm hands would rest or stay. There’s a sink too but it doesn’t look to be in very good condition.
Grandpa switches on another light but it’s not very good. I can barely make out Nathan’s face but I can see his white suit perfectly. He looks like a little sailor.
Grandpa moves around and stands by the bed, the camera still pointing at a curious Nathan.
“Ready for your present?” Grandpa asks Nathan who beams. “You’ll get it on one condition.”
“What?”
Oh my god.
My hand flies to my mouth and tears burn my eyes. I watch but I don’t. I scream but I don’t. I sob but I don’t. I can’t look away and before it’s even over I race to the toilet and vomit.
“Why is your pee pee out Grandpa?”
Oh my god. My body won’t stop shaking.
“Well, to get your present you have to be a very good boy. We’re going to play a very fun game.”
“What game?”
“I need you to do something for me.”
“I don’t think I want to.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, that’s gross.”
“Do it.”
Whack. Cry. Sob. Scuffle.
“Good boy. That’s it.”
Sniffle, sob.
I can’t get it out of my head. My stomach heaves again but my mind won’t move to something else.
“Can I stop now?”
“No.”
“What are you doing?”
“Take them off.”
My body is in shock I just know it. Oh. That poor boy. That poor, poor boy.
“Stop! Stop! It hurts! Please stop! DADDY! MUMMY!”
The screams, the cries, the begging. Bile rises again.
He chokes, unable to breathe. A hand is over his mouth as the old man groans, sighing every few seconds. One hand holds the camera. I see… everything. I want to look away but I need to see, so I can absorb his pain. Make it so he never felt it.
“That’s it,” his hand works it. His disgusting length. “Catch boy.”
“NO!”
“CATCH!”
I race into the bedroom and hastily take the DVD from the TV. It feels like fire in my hands. I place it back into the DVD case and tuck it into my coat. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it, but I do know that I can’t just not do anything.
Oh my god. Tears spill, my vision blurs. I can’t believe this.
Nathan.
Oh god. Nathan. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I shouldn’t do it… I shouldn’t but I need to know if there’s more. Are all of these DVD’s recordings of abuse?
I check the few I have, one by one, only glimpsing at each one to confirm.
It takes me a few minutes but I manage to get through the entire stack of them that were hidden behind the skirting board. Only glancing at a few and sobbing when I realise that the last one is of Nathan when he looks to be about eleven.
Vomit comes up again, I barely make it to the toilet this time. The sound of the awfulness coming from TV only makes me feel worse.
My breathing is out of control, my mind wants to shut down and block this out. The things I’ve just witnessed are too painful to bear. How does Nathan live with this? Why has he never said anything?
How can he stay here after experiencing that?
I rinse my mouth out after brushing my teeth and stare at my reflection in the mirror. Nathan. Oh my god. Nathan.
Poor Nathan.
This explains everything. Oh god.
Sob.
My face burns from my salty tears, they won’t stop.
“CATCH!”
This is why Nathan has an issue with his hands… isn’t it? What am I going to do?
“What the fuck did you do?” I spin, my back hitting the sink as my eyes land on a furious Nathan, his hands grip the doorframe as if anchoring him. “WHAT DID YOU DO?”
“Nathan,” I attempt but it’s cut off when he lunges for me, his hand fisting in my hair. It’s not painful, not in the slightest, but it could be if he just pulled a little bit harder. Fear mingles with the overwhelming sorry and my already weak body begins to shake. “I…”