Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
My entire body hurts with wanting.
Raahosh—the father of the girls—joins them on the beach, and I watch as the little ones race toward him with excitement.
"You stare hard at them," A'tam says, his voice low and gentle as we walk along the beach.
"Just wondering why it is we're the only two people miserable," I joke.
A'tam is silent. I look over at him, and he's got a thoughtful expression on his face. "I am not miserable."
"No?" Funny how that one statement makes me feel all breathless.
"No. I just…I do not know what to say to you." He shrugs, but he doesn't let go of my hand. "All my words are the wrong ones. I do not even know what to call you in my head anymore."
He sounds so damn forlorn that I giggle.
Startled, he glances over at me, and when he sees my amusement, he chuckles. "It is true. I call you B'shit in my head, and then I feel as if I betray you, so I try to say it properly, and I get it wrong time after time."
It's the fact that he's trying that makes it so damn endearing. My heart swells and I feel so fucking happy just hearing that small confession. I hold his hand tighter. "I'm happy to teach you."
"Good, because I need teaching." He sounds disgruntled.
I chuckle and squeeze his arm. "It means a lot to me that you're trying."
A'tam glances down at me, and his eyes are so, so warm and blue. My khui feels like it's on fire, thrumming and drumming under my skin. "I did not realize my actions caused you so much pain. I will do better. This I promise."
"I will, too. I'm sorry if it feels like I keep secrets. I've done it my whole life. It's a tough habit to break."
He grunts. "We both have things to learn, it seems."
"We do." I glance over at the cluster of people by the fire. I see one or two glance this way, but no one approaches us. "Do you think they know? About our resonance?"
A'tam is silent for a long moment, and that gives me an uneasy feeling. "I'rec and O'jek know," he confesses after a moment. "They confronted me when I brought my fish in."
I cringe at the thought. "I'm not their favorite person."
"It does not matter. You are one of Shadow Cat clan now. They will like you plenty."
Somehow I doubt that, but it doesn't matter. Everyone on the beach gets along, more or less. Some days more, some days less, because we're all a family and we know we're in this together. I'rec and O'jek can dislike me all they want, and they'll still have to put up with me, just like I do with them.
We approach A'tam's hut and I'm a little sad that our stroll along the beach is over. It was nice to just walk and talk. He releases my hand and goes to hold back the flap to the hut, beckoning me inside. As I duck in, I notice that he's made a few changes during the afternoon. The furs are on the opposite side of the fire from where they used to be, and there are twice as many, now. On the far side of the hut, one of the floor boards has been pried up and now a big gap is in the floor. "What happened?" I ask. "Did it break?"
"No. I did not like it," A'tam says. "I can do better."
Huh. Okay. I move to sit by the fire, crossing my legs. "The food smells good." I give him a hesitant smile. "Thank you for cooking. You didn't have to."
"You are my mate," he says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Why would I not wish to feed you? To see you well-cared for?" A'tam moves to the fire and uses carved tongs to pull out a large chunk of dripping, juicy fish from the stewing pouch, and then he gets me an equally large chunk of root. It's not exactly made like the more intricate stews that Gail and the others create every day. It literally looks like he tossed an entire fillet of fish into the pot along with a root and threw in some spices.
But he's trying, and that melts me. I take the small bone bowl with a grateful smile. "Thank you."
A'tam holds out a pair of eating sticks and I use them to hold the food steady while I take a few bites. He watches me eat, then pours me a cup of slushy cold water, then sets it by my feet. "There are many days that I went to bed with an empty belly," A'tam says. "After the death of the Great Smoking Mountain, most of the land was gone. There was never enough game to feed hungry mouths, so in a way, I suppose it is better that so many died then. We nearly starved, and I thought nothing would make me so happy as filling my belly again." He watches me take another bite, gaze on me. "I was wrong. I like watching you eat far better. I like knowing that I can provide for you."