Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
I'm not even jealous, I'm just sad. I'm going to end up like my mother, picking the wrong guy and suffering the consequences of it for years and years. I'm going to end up miserable and alone, even on an ice planet where there's barely enough men to field a football team. How my mother would laugh. She'd tell me it's everything I deserve, because my mother's bitter down to her pointe shoes.
I wonder if I'm cursed to be just as miserable as she is. Depressing thought.
The ones that didn't participate in the contest scale the fish, chatting happily, and I see Sam and Steph chuckling about something as they work. Nearby, Harlow sits with Liz's girls and her son and shows them how to scrape a fish, while Vaza stirs the tea over the fire, glancing at Gail, who's nursing their son, Z'hren. Seated on one of the biggest stones, Callie embroiders the collar of a tunic while her mate braids her hair. She talks to Mari and Penny, both of whom have their mates nearby. Hannah leans on J'shel's shoulder, and somewhere in the distance, I hear Veronica's new baby crying.
There are people coming and going, and it's just another cheery, crowded night around the fire. No one's seated next to me, even though there's plenty of room, and I tell myself that it's just my imagination. No one's avoiding me. I know this in my heart, but the small, defiant part of me worries that everyone in the tribe hates me somehow.
But then Lauren drops onto the seat next to me, a wry look on her face. "I didn't think we'd catch quite this many fish today. It's a lot. Like a lot, lot."
I smile at that. Lauren's been my friend since the first day. Just having her sit next to me makes me feel like less of a pariah. "Where's K'thar?"
"Talking to Vordis and Thrand. Something about fighting moves." She shrugs and opens her collar, revealing the tiny, naked, bat-like creature that's K'thar's pet. His name is Kki, which sounds more like a hissing-click than a name, but he's got big, dark eyes and clings to Lauren's neck in a way that's adorable. Since he's cold a lot he's wearing a fuzzy little vest she made for him, and he tucks himself under her hair, chittering in irritation.
I reach out a finger to pet him, but Kki hisses at me, and I pull back.
Lauren grimaces. "He gets pissy when he's hungry. Sorry. He'll calm a bit when I get some food in him. Hold my seat? I'm gonna see if I can snatch a bit of fish if it's ready."
"I'll be here," I say.
She heads across the camp and I sip my tea, feeling a little better about things. A moment later, another person drops onto the seat next to me, and then a heavy fur lands across my shoulders.
I look over, and A'tam frowns at me. "You look like you are still cold."
I am. But the last thing I want is him staking his claim on me in front of everyone else. "This isn't necessary—"
"Why are you being like this?" he asks quietly. "Why is it that every time I try to help you, you grow angry at me?"
"I'm not angry," I protest. "I just…don't like needing help."
"Do you think I like that you cut your cheek? Do you think I like seeing you shivering by the fire and knowing that you were in cold leathers all day?"
I want to ask why he cares, but I know why he cares. He thinks he still has a claim on me. That somehow all of this between us is going to clear up and I'll fling myself joyfully into his arms. That I'll endure a pussy-hammering every day for the rest of my life.
What's sad is that I don't know what I want. Because part of me really, really wants to take A'tam up on things. To push Daisy aside and scream "He's mine!" and drag him away from the others. To go back to those days of flirty kisses and cuddles and when the world had so much damn potential that I actually loved waking up each morning because I'd get to flirt with A'tam that day.
Sometimes I worry that I might endure the penis pounding. But then I remember how awful it was, and the fact that I’m built far too small to take something that size, and I force myself to pull back. That I don't want to go through that ever again. We're friends, him and I, and that's all we can ever be.
And I'm tired. I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of everyone coming up with wild theories every time I sit next to A'tam. Haven't these people ever heard of friendly exes? I give him a wan smile. "I'm sorry. I know I'm…prickly."