Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Her chin wobbled, but instead of giving in to her pain she patted his hand. Comforting him, like always. Driver’s chest filled with love and he kissed her hand. “I love you. I’m sorry I haven’t said it in too long.”
“We knew. You didn’t need to tell us.” Still, her voice trembled.
“Everyone needs to hear it sometimes.” Hearing it changed things.
I love you.
When Tam had said those three words, Driver’s entire world had shifted. At the time, they had scared the hell out of him. Mostly because he’d ached to say it back. Love was scary and big and permanent. Loving meant you had something to fight for.
Something to lose.
And he hadn’t been ready to take the leap.
But sometimes life was out of your control. Death could be lurking around the next bend in the road. It was a lesson he should have learned years ago, instead he’d shut himself off and did his best to forget. Though he never truly had.
What was risking his heart compared to a life without love? Without Tam’s bright smile and shining eyes?
It wasn’t really a choice.
He was done shielding himself from potential loss. What good did it really do him? There was so much to hold on to, so much to defend. So very much to adore.
* * *
“What happened?” Dr. Lee didn’t sit in her usual overstuffed rose-covered chair on Monday afternoon. Instead she took the spot right next to Tam on the couch. “Your eyes are red. Have you been crying?”
Tam rubbed at them. They were dry now, but any second the tears would come back. They’d been coming on and off all weekend and he’d given up trying to fight them.
“He left.” His shoulders slumped and Dr. Lee wrapped an arm around them.
“Oh, Tameron, I’m sorry.”
“I should have seen it coming.” He had. If he were honest with himself, he’d known the minute they met this was how it’d end. He’d known Driver had entered his life as either a blessing or a lesson. But it wasn’t until they’d gotten to know each other that he realized the truth. Driver was both.
“If you had, would you have done anything differently?”
He shook his head. He would have made all the same choices even if they led him to this exact place, this exact pain. Giving up his time with Driver wasn’t possible. He’d grown so much over the past few weeks. He knew what he wanted now, and not just that. He accepted it.
That was a huge leap from the kid who wouldn’t even acknowledge his own sexual desires.
Now he knew he wanted someone to love. He wanted a relationship like his friends had, stable and secure and loving. He wanted someone who would help him get past the last couple of sexual hurdles so he could live a full healthy life without barriers.
It just hurt so much that the person wouldn’t be Driver.
“I wouldn’t,” Tam said.
Dr. Lee squeezed his shoulder in praise. “You are such a sweet, sweet soul. No matter how much the world throws at you, you’ve never lost your optimism. You love hard and you are loyal. Have you reached out to your support system?”
Tam nodded. “I told them yesterday. They tried to help.”
She stood. “See, you’ve come so far. You are more self-aware and self-accepting now. You have the strength to deal with issues on your own but are smart enough to know when you need help. Most importantly, you’re brave enough to ask for it. You don’t need me anymore.”
Tam knotted his hands together. “I do.”
Her smile was crooked as she sat in her usual spot. “Why?”
“I don’t want to lose anyone else.”
“I’ll always be here for you as a friend, but I don’t need to be your therapist.”
“I still haven’t gotten past it all. What if I can’t? I need you to help me.”
“Let me ask you a question.” She paused. “Do you want to bottom again?”
Tam swallowed and lifted his chin. “Yes.”
“Then you will. I’ve known you long enough to know that you accomplish whatever you put your mind to. That includes healing from heartbreak. Realize what you’ve accomplished. You trusted. You fell in love. You let someone new into your life and through that relationship learned to be kind to yourself.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you really think you need my guidance or are you just holding on to one last safety net?”
He met her gaze and knew the truth. It was time for him to walk the walk of life on his own heels. “We’ll keep in touch?”
Her grin stretched across her whole face this time. “Of course. I was actually going to call you about some potential mentoring possibilities for you and your friends. Do you think that’s something you all might be interested in?”
“Mentoring? Like tutoring?”
“No, more like the Big Brothers Big Sisters program but for our LGBTQIA kids. Sometimes hearing from people like them helps a lot more than anything the rest of us can provide. We’re still coming up with ideas, but your group came to mind as potential candidates.”