Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
“And look what I’ve done to you.” The look on Driver’s face was pure agony. “I’m so sorry, Tam. I never wanted to hurt you. You’re just so bright and stunning. Like the sun, you pulled me into your gravity and I couldn’t let go until we were both destroyed.”
“Please,” Tam begged past the lump in his throat. “Nothing is destroyed.”
Driver pulled out of his grip gently. “You’ll be okay. You are so damn strong.”
“Don’t go.” His lips trembled and he bit them to make it stop.
“It’s what I do.” Driver shrugged. “I’m a coward, remember?”
“I should never have said that.”
“It’s okay. You were right. You have always had a knack for calling me on my bullshit.” Tentatively, Driver cupped Tam’s cheek and slowly lowered his head like he thought Tam might stop him. So much sadness and regret tinged the edges of their kiss that Tam sobbed. He circled his arms around Driver’s neck and crushed himself to his chest. His tongue swept past Driver’s teeth, seeking its mate. It was a mad frenzy that united them in shared misery.
But Tam was the only one willing to fight for what could be. The only one willing to take the risk.
A big part of him hated Driver for that.
When they separated, his eyes were dry even if his legs were unsteady.
“We could be so great together. If only you’d wake up.” He shoved at Driver’s shoulders.
“Good. Be pissed at me. Hate me.” Driver threw the army bag over his shoulder and turned to leave.
“Driver.”
He looked over his shoulder.
“I don’t hate you. I love you.”
Just as Tam had wanted, those words struck Driver hard. He visibly flinched, fists tightening to white knuckles.
“I love you.”
Driver’s Adam’s apple bounced. “Stop.”
“But I won’t wait for you.”
“I never expected you to, precious.” And with that, he walked away.
Once again, Tam watched him disappear. When he was well out of sight, Tam closed the door and fell to the floor. If Driver had asked...if he had given any sign at all, Tam would have waited.
He would have waited a lifetime for just one more kiss.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Driver was holding on for dear life.
To his sanity. To his heart. The road stretched out before him, an endless twisting path to nowhere. Rain pounded on his helmet and legs. He was soaked, he was freezing, but there was no way he’d stop. Hounds of lifelong grief and remorse nipped at his heels. He wasn’t even sure where he was headed, except somewhere north. Somewhere cold. Somewhere away from Tam. But the devil on his back wouldn’t let him turn around.
He needed speed. He needed distance. Panic always tasted metallic and coppery, like blood.
It was the flavor of his existence. So many years of biting his tongue, holding back his screams. So many years of running from himself.
The rage ate at him. It always had. It kept him from bright things, like Tam. It kept him in the darkness, alone. He was pissed at the world for taking away his family. He was angry at his father for not paying more attention. He was furious with his mother for not staying home with Max.
But more than anything he hated himself.
Hate. It was a powerful word, an even stronger force. When focused intently, like light through a magnifying glass, it ruined everything in its path. No wonder he was such a mess.
He wiped the rain from his eyes with his gloved hand. The leather was cold and rough against his cheek. Yeah, he put on a great show when he was with strangers. Acted all cool and free, when in reality he was struggling to get through the day. And usually he fooled them.
They fell for his show and straight into his bed.
Not Tam. From the first moment they met, Tam was immune to Driver’s charm and he saw right through Driver’s lies. Maybe that was what made him so special. Maybe that was why walking away from Tam felt like ripping his own chest open.
I love you.
Remembering the way Tam’s eyes brimmed with tears when he made that declaration tore Driver apart. It had struck him like an arrow coated in poison and he’d been bleeding out ever since. The streetlights blurred and he wiped at his face again. It didn’t help. It was raining too hard to make a difference. Rain, yeah. It wasn’t tears that made his vision blurry.
He forced thoughts of Tam away, but in the empty space visions of his grandmother’s form took shape. It was too much. Way too much for one guy to handle. He’d never been able to deal with the things life had thrown at him. Memories and pain and fury spiraled in front of him.
Regret. So much goddamn regret, it was all he could see. Like the shining eyes of a great beast coming toward him with jaws wide, ready to bite, ready to devour. Driver’s heart pounded. He hit the accelerator and put his head down.