Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
He’d had four years of recovery. Four years of talking to Dr. Lee about all his problems and deficiencies. He wasn’t a whore any longer. He wasn’t a victim either.
Driver pulled him into a sitting position and smoothed his hair back. “Breathe. You’re having a panic attack. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Did I scare you? Shit, Tam, I’m sorry.” He sounded so totally defeated that Tam had to look. He blinked up into Driver’s regretful stormy eyes and took a deep, stuttering breath.
He couldn’t form words so he shook his head instead. None of this was Driver’s fault. Tam should have known better. The air in the room was still too thin to fill his lungs but he forced words out anyway.
“They’ve won,” Tam said.
“Who?”
Tam wasn’t quite ready to lay all his shit on the table. He sniffed, then took a deep breath. “We should go now.”
“We’re not going anywhere.”
“I want to go home. If you won’t take me I’ll find my own way.” He tried to push away but Driver wouldn’t let him.
“Tam, talk to me.”
“This isn’t your fault. It’s me. I’m... I’m...not normal. I tried to tell you. I tried. But it’s okay, you can leave and forget this ever happened.”
“Normal is overrated.”
“I’m serious.”
“And I’m not?”
“I don’t know what you are.”
“Someone you can talk to. Just give me a chance.”
He had to offer something to let Driver off the hook or at least to get them moving. He couldn’t stand being in this room a minute longer. His issues were so big and scary they clouded every moment of his life.
So he borrowed a phrase from his friend, Ansel. “My baggage could fill an aircraft carrier. It’s not yours to lift.”
Chapter Twelve
“You look like shit,” Ansel said to Lirim on Saturday afternoon.
They were sitting on hard sofas in a small guest room at the rehab center where Lirim was sentenced to a mandatory stay after his arrest for drug possession. The room had linoleum floors and cheap paneling. Outside the world was gray and stark, the building surrounded by trees that had long ago lost their leaves.
The effect was uncomfortable and depressing.
Lirim was dressed in ragged jeans and a baggy T-shirt that probably hadn’t been washed in a week. He looked worn out. His hair was pulled back and greasy. His nails were chewed to nubs. Dark circles under his eyes made the hollowness in them particularly obvious. Gaunt and shuddering, he sat with both arms wrapped around his middle and didn’t look at any of them.
“How are you?” Tam asked. Stupid question, but what else was there?
Lirim’s eyes were cold when he spoke. “Why did you come?” he asked, first to Tam and then to the rest of the group.
“To see you, asshole,” Z said. Lirim ignored him.
“We’re family,” Ansel said.
Lirim sneered. “Family. None of us even know what that means.”
“So you’re still in that feeling sorry for yourself phase?” Z asked.
“Fuck you. It’s your fault I’m in this fucking place.”
“Knock it off.” Ansel rose to his feet. “No one forced you to snort that poison up your nose. You want to be pissed at someone? I’ve got a mirror for you, sugar.”
Lirim’s jaw popped like he was gritting his teeth and he looked away, still defensive, still aching. Seeing him like this tore Tam’s heart out. He’d always been the positive member of their group, a little weird, kind of whimsical, but always ready with a smile. It’d been ages since Tam had seen Lirim smile.
“We miss you,” Tam said.
Lirim’s Adam’s apple bounced but he didn’t reply.
Ansel sat back down.
“We still haven’t found a place to dance, in case you were curious. Hop and Jae have stuck around. If we ever get hired, we have a bunch of great sets to unveil.”
“It’s not the same without you, though,” Tam added.
“So you’d better pull your shit together and come back to us.” Z glowered at Lirim. Ever since Lirim’s arrest there had been a wedge between them and Z wouldn’t explain.
“There’s no us anymore.”
“Fuck that, we’re the Sassy Boyz and we stick by each other,” Ansel said. “You all stood by me when I was at my lowest, and if Z wasn’t such an asshat we would have helped him too. It’s what we do.”
“It will never be like it was before,” Lirim said, hunching even further in on himself.
“And? Nothing ever stays the same. That doesn’t mean we’re not here for you.”
Some of the tension leaked out of Lirim’s shoulders, but his gaze remained lowered.
“Even if you’re a bitch, you’ll never get rid of us.” Z moved to a chair closer to Lirim and took his hand in his. “We all make mistakes. I’m sorry for my part in what happened.”
All Tam knew about the situation was that Connelly, Z’s detective boyfriend, had been the one to arrest Lirim during a raid on the club where they used to dance. He still wasn’t sure what had led the detectives to suspect drugs in the first place, but clearly Lirim blamed Z.