Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Driver grabbed his arm and tugged until Tam was sprawled over his chest. Those big arms wrapped around him and held tight. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked to you relive it.”
The thing was, Tam actually felt a little better. The monsters were no longer pressing down on him—they’d been fought back. Oh, they were still there lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce, he was sure, but that would always be the case.
Tam hugged Driver back. “I’m scared.”
“Of course you are,” Driver said. Tam wasn’t sure if he’d deliberately misunderstood or not.
“No, I mean... I might never be able to give you what you want.”
Driver’s chin nudged the top of Tam’s head as if Driver were trying to get a look at his face. “Never is a long time.”
Tam didn’t reply.
“What is it you think I need?”
“You know.”
“You’re going to have to spell it out for me.”
Tam curled his fingers into a fist over Driver’s tense abs. “Oral and...”
“And?”
Squeezing his eyes closed, Tam forced the words out. “Penetration. I still have panic attacks from the idea of being held down and fucked. I’ll never be able to be on my knees again without having flashbacks.”
“I would never force you.”
“I know.” Under Tam’s cheek, Driver’s pulse was steady and reassuring.
“Good.” He traced small circles over Tam’s shoulder. “Besides, there are lots of ways to have sex and they’re all great. I bet we can come up with all sorts of fun things to do together, if you want.”
Tam hid his face against Driver’s skin. It had the added bonus of filling his lungs with Driver’s scent. Now that the tension from the nightmare and his confession had been obliterated by Driver’s assurances, Tam’s blood heated with possibilities.
“I want,” he said.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Over the next week, they spent every night together. The leftover takeout boxes had overrun Tam’s fridge and they’d switched from DVDs to Late Night to Netflix on Driver’s laptop. Sometimes they experimented with various ways to get each other off.
Sometimes they simply slept in each other’s arms.
Tam liked those nights a lot.
The nightmares still came, but less frequently. Whenever he woke up in a cold sweat, Driver comforted him and they’d talk it out. Besides Dr. Lee, no one else knew as much about Tam’s past as Driver did now. Each explanation of his dreams was accompanied by the inevitable memory. The more Tam released, the better he felt. As if he were purging himself of poison. Finally.
He’d held on to it for too long. He’d kept it to himself like it was his alone, but it wasn’t a treasure to cherish. He should have released it ages ago. There wasn’t anything to be ashamed about. What happened had never been his fault.
For a long time he’d understood that, but believing it was the real challenge.
Driver’s support was the rope ladder he’d needed to finally climb out of the hole they’d thrown him into. Such a simple thing really, but having that foothold helped Tam begin to dream about his own happily-ever-after.
It was hard not to when the whole week was Tam’s version of domestic bliss. Dinner together, lounging around the apartment in their underwear chatting about their day, and sex. It was all so normal.
Normal. Exactly what Tam had been waiting for—yearning for—his entire life.
Still, he couldn’t stop himself from wanting more. Mutual hand jobs and frotting were great, but nothing progressed further than Driver sucking him off. Driver never complained. No, it was Tam who wanted to test his own boundaries.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t experienced or bold enough to ask for it.
That night they watched a comedy while they ate their Thai food. They sat on the floor, so close their shoulders and knees touched, as if they couldn’t stand to not touch. Or, at least, that’s how Tam felt. Forget butterflies, whenever he was close to Driver there were earthquakes and tsunamis making mush of his insides. Excitement and nerves and elation swam together like a sea of sharks. He was never quite sure which one was going to take a bite out of him next.
Whenever Driver laughed, his body vibrated and the jolt traveled across to Tam. He had to hold back a gasp every fucking time. It was as if he were being electrocuted by Driver’s soft chuckles. His nipples had pebbled into aching points an hour ago and his dick had been hard since they’d sat down.
Driver pushed his food away and patted his belly. “Stuffed. Why aren’t you eating?” His eyes flicked to Tam’s barely touched Basil Chicken.
“I am.” Tam shoveled a forkful into his mouth. The spices burst on his tongue, but he’d waited too long. It was cold.
“What’s up? You’re acting weird tonight.” Driver paused the video and turned toward him.
Tam swallowed, then wiped his lips with a napkin. “Sorry. Distracted.”