Series: Fever Falls Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 81426 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81426 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
I added, “The holiday party at the LGBTQ center is this coming weekend.”
“Oh…cool. What do you think of this?” Theo pushed over his sketchbook and showed me a bit of Awkward Boy’s newest adventure. He was making a decision about something that could either be the best thing to happen to him, or could end in disaster.
“I think it’s great. Does this have anything to do with the party?”
“Maybe,” Theo replied, which I thought meant yes. “What if I see someone I know? Or what if it gets out? What if Trey hates me, or what if my mom asks where I’m going, or what if she hates me too?”
Fuck, this shouldn’t have to be so goddamned hard. “There are no easy answers, Theo. I wish there were. I still haven’t told my father about Cam and me. Part of me doesn’t even understand why I’m not doing it. It’s not like he plays a big part in my life or like he’s ever had a problem with Rush. Hell, I’m not sure he knows how to care about anything anymore.”
But part of me was scared I would make it harder for him to start caring about me, as fucked up as that was.
“I know. I get it. We really need to figure this shit out.”
I cocked a brow at Theo for his curse word.
“Stuff. Figure this stuff out.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, we do.” There I was, trying to work out how to come out, and discussing my relationship with a seventeen-year-old kid.
“I think…I think I want to go. To the party, I mean. I don’t know if I want to tell my mom yet, but the party…that will be with other people like us. Or who are allies to people like us.”
“Yeah, yeah it will. And if you decide to go, you’ll go with Cam and me. And if you want to leave at any time, we’ll leave. But I only want you to do it if you want to.”
Theo nodded but didn’t answer right away. He looked down at the motocross piece I was working on, maybe something for a T-shirt or something like that. “You’re good.”
“Thanks. I’m thinking about curving the wording around the bike, like a circle, but make it look like a tire. What do you think?”
Theo grinned as though it meant something to him that I’d asked his opinion. I knew it had, and I valued what he had to say.
“I think that would be awesome.”
We began drawing again for a little while. I lost myself in what I was doing, enjoying something I’d shoved away years ago. Why hadn’t I drawn more? Why had I stopped?
I had no idea how much time had passed, when Theo asked, “Are you spending time with Cam for Christmas?”
The question was like a knife sliding into my chest. Jesus, I still felt like shit about that. “We’ll do something together either before or after. I’ll be at Rush’s for the holiday. My dad is coming down.”
“And you’re still not ready to come out? Do you think you might at Christmas?”
I sighed, trying to decide how to answer—or hell, if I even knew what I thought or what I was doing. “It’s not that I don’t want to come out. It’s not even that I’m ashamed or anything. It’s hard to put into words. What I have with Cam is different from what I’ve had with anyone, and not even just because he’s a man. And I’m…shit, I’m afraid of losing that.”
“How does being public about it mean you’ll lose it? And might you lose it since you aren’t coming out?”
Damn it. He was on a roll with difficult questions today. “Cam understands.” At least for now he did. I hoped he did. “I’m figuring out everything still. And maybe I’ll tell my dad over the holiday. I don’t know.”
I could see Theo still had questions. So I waited, nodded at him so he’d know it was okay.
“Are you like…in love with him or whatever?”
My heart swooped, and one word came to mind: yes. I was so fucking in love with Camden Burke. What I felt for him was different from what I’d felt for Rush. Loving Cam was something my body knew I needed like food or air. “I am, but I haven’t told him yet.”
“So even after you’re in love with someone it’s hard to come out? I’m screwed.”
His question sort of hit me, slammed through this wall I had inside me. A wall I’d built myself. Theo was right in so many ways. I had Camden, and that was the most important thing. There were others who had nothing. Not someone they were in love with or the kind of friends I had.
I’d spent so long feeling alone and like I didn’t belong, but I knew I belonged with him. I wanted to protect what we had, but how did I do that by hurting him? By denying us to the only family I had? “Shit, kid. You’re pretty smart.”