Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
“I actually have a thing tonight,” I say, knowing her going is out of the question. There’s no way I can ask her to attend a show when she needs to get her own work done.
“Oh, okay,” she says, her lips turning down into a slight frown.
“It’s a work thing,” I explain as Rory lays her head on my shoulder and cuddles into my front. “I was going to ask you to come. It’s at Ruckus.”
“The club?” She sounds as worried as I feel. I don’t want to weigh her down with my shit since she’s stressed enough as it is, so I force a smile and shrug like it’s not a big deal.
“Yeah, we’re performing our new single there. It’ll be videoed and put on YouTube to help generate a buzz around the upcoming album. It gets fans hyped. We don’t do it often anymore, but since we’ve been gone for a while, it’ll help put our name back on the board.”
“Makes sense,” she says. “Looks like Rory finally fell asleep.” She nods toward our sleeping little girl. “Hopefully that doesn’t mean she’ll wake up in the middle of the night.” She rolls her eyes.
“Should I wake her up?” I ask, unsure what to do. Every day I learn something new about parenting.
“No, just lay her down, so we can eat in peace.” She waves me off. “How long until you have to leave?”
I glance at the clock. “I need to get ready and head out in about an hour.”
“What songs are you guys playing?” Sadie asks as we eat, making small talk while she also messages back and forth with one of her clients, who’s asking her questions about a manuscript she sent her.
“A mixture of our new songs and some old,” I say, trying not to freak out over having to enter that club. Every time my brain goes to the music, the people, the drugs, I feel like I want to throw up. I knew this day would eventually come, and I thought I was ready, but now I’m second-guessing myself.
“Hopefully, it’s just three songs, and then we’re out,” I mutter, pushing my food away. The last thing I need is to throw up on stage.
“Yeah,” she says, her attention on her texts. I watch her for a few minutes, hating how stressed she looks. I mentioned she doesn’t need to work, that I can provide for us, but she just gave me a crazy look and said she appreciated it, but this is the twenty-first century, and she’s an independent woman. I think it was meant mostly as a joke, but deep down, I’m sure a part of her doesn’t want to depend on another addict—even if I am a recovering one.
Sadie glances up from her phone, catching me staring, and quirks a brow. “You okay?”
I want to tell her I’m nowhere near close to okay, that I’m freaking out on the inside, wondering what the hell I’m thinking going into a club so soon, but when her phone goes off again and she groans in frustration at whoever she’s conversing with, I simply nod.
After dinner, Sadie says she’s going back to work while I jump in the shower and get ready for tonight. With my nerves making me anxious, I take an extra-long time in the shower, trying to rid myself of the anxiety weighing on me.
After kissing Rory—who’s still asleep—and Sadie goodbye, I head out to meet the guys at the club. Since it’s one of those events where we need to be seen, we drive together, and our security follows us in. Even with the late notice, the area is filled with screaming fans as we walk up the black carpet that leads to the club. With a lump in my throat the size of a golf ball, I try to act as chill as possible. My phone goes off in my pocket, and when I look to see if it’s Sadie, I find a text from Viola: Hey Gage, I was tied up. I can talk now if you want to call me.
I want to tell her I can hide in the fucking bathroom to talk to my therapist, but the band needs me, so instead, I shoot her a text that it’s all good and I’ll see her at our next appointment. Then I pocket my phone, willing myself to summon up the strength I need to get through tonight.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
SADIE
I’m neck-deep in edits when a text pings on my phone. I glance at it and see it’s Kaylee, asking where I am.
Me: At home…
Kaylee: Oh! I thought you were at Ruckus. I told Gage I could watch Rory for you if you needed a sitter. I just got here. The guys sound so good. Braxton was worried about Gage since he hasn’t played for an audience since he’s been back, but he seems to be doing good. Did he seem nervous before he left?