Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 88742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 444(@200wpm)___ 355(@250wpm)___ 296(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 444(@200wpm)___ 355(@250wpm)___ 296(@300wpm)
“He actually already told me,” I admit.
“Told you what?”
“That he loves me. Brick said he loved me during the fight with my parents.” His admission was fast and had almost been lost among all of the yelling, but I’d heard it. The fact that he said it has never been addressed, though.
“See!” Mamie throws up her hands. “He’s said it; he’s shown it. What else can this man do to prove that he wants to be with you? Is there something missing that I’m not seeing?”
“I don’t know, Mamie. I just don’t know.” The underlying factor doesn’t seem to be Brick. I think I’m the problem, but I’m too chicken shit to admit it out loud. I’ve hinted at it but have yet to get to the core of it.
“You know what? Maybe we all should get some rest. You’ve had a rough week, and sleep would really help your mind reset. I mean, this time last week you were happy about where things were going with Brick. You need to remember that.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll get some rest – some real rest – and then I’ll go and talk with Brick.”
“Exactly! Talk to him. You said you were going to, but I’m guessing that conversation never happened.”
“It didn’t,” I shake my head, admitting my failure. My plan had been to have a serious talk the night my parents found us. That had quickly flown out the window, but it is now time to revisit that idea. “But I’ll make sure it happens this time.”
“Good. I’m going to hold you to that,” Mamie points her finger in my face. I know she is completely serious about making me accountable. But she wouldn't be pushing me so hard if she didn't care. “Do you want to share my bed tonight, or would you rather use the futon? I am cool with whichever option you pick.”
“Can I share with you tonight?”
“Of course, babe. Now let’s watch some trashy reality TV and eat junk food and forget about all of our troubles for a little bit.” I nod because I completely agree with Mamie. Bad food and bad TV sound like the perfect way to spend our day. After seven days of stewing in nothing but my feelings, turning off my brain to enjoy some of the simpler things life has to offer is ideal.
While she takes out her phone to pour over delivery apps, my cell buzzes. I turn it on and see a text from Brick.
Do you know what time you’ll be back?
I stare at my screen, thinking about how to respond. I knew the longer I stayed with Mamie, the more likely Brick was to contact me. At least it's a pretty innocuous text, but the desire for a confrontation is there.
Brick probably wants to talk. He seemed to be in a conversational mood before I left. That’s what had me worried. I have no idea what he was going to say, and I'm not sure I want to hear it because once he says it, there’s not going back. Not knowing whether or not he wants me is better than knowing he doesn’t want me. One thing I know for sure is that I will be devastated if Brick's feelings do not match my own.
I know all of this uncertainty is a dumb way to live, but it’s where I’ve been for a while now. I will have this very tough conversation with Brick. Avoiding it is childish and stupid, and all avoidance does is cause me more heartache. It’s time to be a big girl and face the music.
Tomorrow.
I’ll take care of all of this tomorrow, after spending a rejuvenating day and night with my best friend. Being in the right frame of mind is tantamount to doing all of this healthily.
Having this planned out actually makes me feel better. It's the first course of action I've had in days. And Brick did say he loves me. He could have changed his mind after seeing me at my worst, but I'm going to approach him warily but positively.
I text Brick back, letting him know where I’ll be and that I’ll see him tomorrow. Since tonight is all about the girls, I don't need to see his reply. For good measure, and to keep Brick from worrying about me, I send a second text letting him know that I won't be by my phone.
After that, I put my phone aside so that I won't be tempted to look at it again. Then I join in with Mamie on deciding where we’re about to order our dinner from.
“I know I said I wanted Chinese a week ago, but I never got around to ordering it. Do you want Chinese food?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Yes! If you don't want it, we'll order my food from this place, and you can get whatever you want.”