Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 89145 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89145 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
He cleared his throat and set his takeout container on the table. “Is it such a good idea that we see each other more often?”
Yes. I mean, I thought so, and if he didn’t, it was going to hurt like a bitch until he changed his mind.
Oh fuck. I was gonna blurt shit out again, wasn’t I? No, no, no, no, I had to learn how to shut the fuck up!
The air around us suddenly felt stifling with misery, and I couldn’t take it. We’d suffered for years now; when was it going to end?
I swallowed around a lump of unease, and I lost my appetite.
“I’m always going to want more, West,” I admitted. “I can’t sit here and pretend I don’t miss you. Hell, my heart’s still in pieces because I fucked it all up.”
He’d started turning away from me, probably to hide the pain in his expression, but something I’d said toward the end made him do a double take, and he scowled at me.
“I thought we established the blame wasn’t all on you.”
Fucking whatever. “I still betrayed your trust with my bullshit lies and insecurities that I tried to cover up.”
He drew in a breath and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Alfie, I—” Then he exhaled in a deflating way and let his hands fall to his lap. “Imagine us getting back together, and when the authorities find out you’re a Son, my father finds out, maybe rumors will travel in certain fields—I could lose my job. What if I get ostracized from a community where we want our children to grow up? Will this ever affect them? What if—”
“So I’ll quit.” I rushed out the words as panic rose within me. I didn’t necessarily believe all his worries were valid, but he didn’t have the knowledge of these things that I did. Not that it mattered. If this was what he was afraid of, I’d fix it. “I’ll talk to Kellan tomorrow and—”
“No,” he said firmly and shook his head. “For the first time tonight, I saw where you belong.”
“I belong with you!” Tears welled up, and I felt everything slip through my fingers again. The sheer pain that seared through me felt like it sliced my chest open, and I couldn’t fucking cope.
The same hurt flashed in his expression too, but he’d made up his mind. “Alfie, please be real. Your entire identity can’t be summed up in you belonging to a partner. You clearly didn’t see what I saw tonight. That guy—Liam? He isn’t just a mobster to you. He’s your brother. They’re all family to you. Everyone needs family, regardless of what it looks like.”
“We were a family,” I whimpered. I wiped at my cheeks, and the stupid tears just kept falling.
“And I wouldn’t be able to sit by and watch you miss them,” he insisted. “Alfie, you must realize that if you left the business side of that family, it would have consequences. I may not fully understand what the modern mafia looks like, but under no circumstances will they be as inclusive toward you if you’re not part of the syndicate.”
I managed to hold back a pathetic sob as I stood up and went to grab my smokes from a hidden side table behind the door. I kept them there for emergencies, and this was clearly one of those.
As much as it killed me, he had a point. There was no way Finn, Liam, and Kellan would be as open with me at family gatherings if I wasn’t part of the inner circle. But motherfucker, I could bear it if I had my own family back together.
I sniffled and lit up a smoke, and I remained standing a few feet away from the table.
So this was it? What kind of fucking idiot had I been to even think I’d get him back?
Operation Win West Back.
What a joke. I was such a loser.
And now… Now, I had to close myself off again. If I was going to survive, I had to die emotionally.
“You should probably go,” I croaked. “You don’t want me with the Sons, and you won’t let me leave. What the fuck can I do? What the fuck can I do, West?”
He dropped his napkin into the takeout container and rose to his feet. Then he walked over to me, and I saw the way his eyes glistened with unshed tears.