Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 89145 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89145 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
Ellie was cuddled up in a lounger with a blanket and her tablet, and Trip was almost finished with his breakfast.
The sun was already brutal, so I had no plans on venturing out to the row of loungers anytime soon. In this heat, I stayed under the terrace roof, where I had not only shade but a ceiling fan and an AC unit that Alfie used to mock me for.
“AC outside? Are you fucking crazy, papi? You’re literally throwing money away.”
Sue me. I didn’t deal well with extreme heat, and we had ninety-four degrees in the forecast for today. It was absurd.
“Is that Daddy’s friend, Daddy?” Ellie asked. “Can we wake him up now?”
One thing at a time. “It is, princess. This is Colby,” I said. “And no, we will let Daddy sleep a while longer.” I pulled out a chair for Colby before I sat down in the one next to his. “Colby, this is my son Trip, and that’s Ellie over there.”
“Hi.” Trip stuck the last of his muffin into his mouth and turned to me. “Can I go in the pool now?”
“Sure, but take it easy for a while,” I told him. “No diving or spending more time on the bottom of the pool until your food’s settled.”
It was my laziest breakfast so far this summer. I usually liked to prepare a nice spread if I didn’t have work early, because I tended to sit here for hours while the children were in the pool. But this morning, I was useless. I’d brought out store-bought muffins, including one kind that didn’t upset Ellie’s stomach too much, milk and cereal, and some fruit.
“Feel free to raid the fridge, Colby,” I said and picked up my coffee mug. “I’m afraid I was too tired to do anything elaborate.”
“What’re you talkin’ about? This is plenty.” He grabbed a blueberry muffin and dove for the milk and cereal too.
I sipped my coffee and unfolded my newspaper, though I had no intention of reading it. I wasn’t sure I could. I only wanted to sleep.
Preferably in the guest room with Alfie…
Fuck.
Fuck.
Yesterday had messed me up irrevocably. As if the outing to the park hadn’t been enough? I’d had to wait through the night, worried sick about what his dumb ass might get himself into, and then listening to him in the kitchen when he got back…?
I dug deep within myself to find any traces of anger, and they were still gone. Evaporated.
I was under no illusions; the anger would be back eventually, maybe once I’d rested properly, but we’d still had a breakthrough last night. A major one. He’d offered me more details, and I was desperate to believe him. I was fairly certain I did. Partly because he’d been honest enough to tell me there were things he wouldn’t share. It hadn’t been a tell-all to placate me. He’d met me halfway, and we’d…started building up our trust again.
Which was terrifying.
With trust came hope and stupid wishes. Wistfulness and yearning and…
I exhaled and closed my eyes briefly.
There was no way I could go down that road again. It was bad enough that I still loved the son of a bitch beyond measure.
Was it even possible for me to move on? If I hadn’t succeeded when I’d been furious and high on hurt, how could I possibly get anywhere when I was starting to see him in a new light? One that wasn’t colored by betrayal and miscommunication.
Perhaps it was a good thing he was suddenly a mobster.
I would eventually come to accept it—if what he’d told me was true, that he wouldn’t be near danger. And considering he’d brought home a teenager because of his bleeding heart gave me enough hope. That bleeding heart was big. Alfie was a good man. He cared deeply, and he hadn’t lost his morals completely.
That said…
I couldn’t share my life with a criminal. I just couldn’t.
I had to draw a line somewhere, and regardless of how I’d felt last night when he’d told me about his priorities—how he cared only for his family and community—it wasn’t right. My reaction hadn’t been right either. I’d felt ridiculously attracted in that moment, and I could barely believe myself.
As decent citizens, we were supposed to care enough to want what was best for everyone, right? Not only our closest.
It would do me no good to even entertain fantasies about him.
I glanced over at the pool and found my reprieve in watching Trip. My sweet boy. He was just floating around on his back, with a smile on his face and eyes closed.
He loved the water so much.
At this point, we were on our fifth bottle of sunscreen.
“You’re welcome to cool off in the water too,” I mentioned to Colby. “I’m sure we can find a pair of shorts that will fit.”