Total pages in book: 25
Estimated words: 22544 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 113(@200wpm)___ 90(@250wpm)___ 75(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 22544 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 113(@200wpm)___ 90(@250wpm)___ 75(@300wpm)
“Now that’s a cool house,” I thought out loud, wondering what the structure would cost in real life.
Andy giggled and dropped to his knees, pulling me down with him. “I’m glad you like it. Here; Kimmie will show you around.” I had no idea who he was talking about, until I noticed that he was giving his doll a little shake; then I put two and two together.
“Um…okay. Thanks…Kimmie.” Wow, I suck at this.
Andy didn’t seem to mind. He just giggled again, and walked his doll inside the house. “This is the kitchen,” he announced in a slightly higher than normal voice. “It’s where I cook all of my meals, and bake yummy cookies.”
He - well, Kimmie - gave me the grand tour of each room. Once the tour was over, Andy leaned over to me and whispered in his normal voice, “I have more dolls; would you like to play with me?”
I froze. A little plastic toy shouldn’t have scared me, but my whole body went cold with dread. It wasn’t the doll itself that filled me with fear, though. It was what it represented; my dad beating the hell out of me. Years of false bravado. Reprimanding Andy.
I managed to turn my head to the man on the far side of the room. In this moment of insecurity, I needed Hutch’s help. He was already gazing back at me, sitting on the edge of his seat, ready to run to me if I needed him to, but giving me space to work things out for myself.
Just knowing that he was there made me feel braver. The belief in his eyes and gentle smile on his lips made me calm. I had nothing to fear as long as he was with me. My past sucked, but my future could be bright. And I could enjoy the present with my brother.
I took a deep breath and turned back to Andy. “Okay.”
He squealed and quickly crawled to the corner to grab another doll from a box. When he returned, he held out the figurine, which was wearing a pink dress. “This is Candy,” he explained as I took the doll. “She’s Kimmie’s best friend.” He cleared his throat and as he shook his own doll, greeted in his higher voice, “Hi, Candy.”
I swallowed hard and gave my own toy a little shake. “Hi.”
Andy giggled, although I wasn’t sure what was funny until he said, “Oh my, Candy, your voice sounds so low. Do you have a cold?”
Ohh. For a moment, I thought about raising my pitch and trying again, but then I got a better idea. I dropped my voice even lower and replied, “I think it might be the flu.”
Andy laughed so hard that he snorted, so of course I couldn’t stop there. I made Candy go into a crazy sneezing fit; she sneezed so hard that she overturned a pink convertible, knocked over a tower of blocks, and made the entire giant dollhouse shake.
Andy ate it up. He clutched his stomach and threw his head back as he cackled at my antics. I beamed at him, but quickly noticed that my lips were shaking, and my eyes were growing watery. While he was bursting with joy, my insides were swarming with guilt and pain.
We shouldn’t have had to wait until adulthood to share this moment; we should have had many more like them when we were younger. Things should have been different; better. I couldn’t hold back any longer. I did something that I hadn’t done since the day my dad hurt me; since the day I swore I’d never do it again. I cried.
Tears streamed down my cheeks, and once he realized what was going on, Andy immediately stopped laughing. Hutch was at my side in a blink, rubbing a soothing hand up and down my back. Tage knelt by Andy, supporting his boy as my brother patted my hand with his.
The acceptance around me only made me sob harder as every thought and regret tumbled out of my mouth. “I should have been better to you!” I cried out to Andy, although his face was too blurry to see. “I should have been nicer! I didn’t know what I was doing, Andy, and I’m sorry. I tried to protect you; to be tough for you and to make you tough too, but it was wrong. I was wrong!”
“It’s okay,” he assured, squeezing my hand.
“No it’s not!” I wailed, barely recognizing my own tortured voice. I was in full-on break down mode, and I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t want to. My soul needed to be cleansed. “I said horrible things to you. I said that I was happy to be in jail to get a break from you, but it’s only because I thought you were better off without me after what I did. But you kept coming to visit me. You didn’t give up on me and you gave me hope. You are a better man and brother than I could ever be.”