Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 89985 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89985 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
Ivan frowned. “When I left her, she was smiling. If she is crying, it has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with you.”
I shook my head. “That is bullshit and you know it. This is your fault and you’ve got to do something to fix it.” There was no way I was taking the blame for this. I couldn’t stand it.
“What did you do?” Ivan asked.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Have you seen Niamh cry?” Ivan asked after several seconds of silence.
This made me frown. “What?”
“Has it ever occurred to you that Niamh hasn’t mourned the loss of her baby? That a lot of bad shit has happened. You can pretend all you want that you don’t give a shit, but deep down, one day, you’re going to care. Right now, Niamh is feeling that loss, and it is up to you to deal with it. She doesn’t need a stranger. She needs a man she loved. You’ve got to go to her. You’ve got to fix her. Not me. This is all you.”
And I didn’t like it.
Ivan stepped back into the bedroom and closed the door, leaving me hanging.
For several seconds, I just stood there, not wanting to return to my room for fear of what was about to happen. I was not used to this kind of emotion. This was not for me.
I closed my eyes, and felt a wave of sickness wash over me. I didn’t deal with emotions. I killed. I hunted. I hurt. I caused pain. Niamh didn’t need any of those things. I couldn’t hunt down or hurt or kill anything. Our baby was already dead.
Even with my eyes closed, I saw Niamh’s face. The days we spent together. The smile on her sweet lips when she found something I said funny. She didn’t hold back and I couldn’t just leave her.
With one foot in front of the other, I didn’t think, I just acted. Stepping into my bedroom, I didn’t even hesitate, I walked right up to her and then pulled her into my arms. I expected her to fight me, to tell me to get the fuck away from her. Instead, she surprised me by wrapping her arms around me and holding onto me as if I was the last lifeline she had.
I didn’t care. I just held her and refused to let go.
She was in pain and I didn’t know why but I had to do something to stop it. Anything. The thought of her hurting was more than I could bear.
“I’ve got you,” I said.
“I lost … our baby.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I wasn’t strong enough.”
I let her go but only so I could capture her face. “Stop it. I mean it. Fucking stop it. This is not about you being strong enough. There is no one that could take a beating like you took, and be able to get through that without problems. You were pregnant.”
“I was sloppy. I shouldn’t have stayed in town. I should have left.”
“Is that what you wanted? To constantly be on the run and always looking over your shoulder? I don’t think you realize this, but your father was never going to stop.” I stared into her eyes, willing her to see the reality of the situation.
“Why?” she asked.
“I don’t know, your father is an asshole,” I said. One I was going to take great pleasure in killing, along with her fucked-up brother. “Come on.” I moved her toward the bed, and helped her inside. I didn’t leave her, though.
Climbing over her body, I settled in behind her and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her in close. I’ve already moved the blanket to completely cover her. Niamh didn’t fight me, and I didn’t know if that was a blessing or not. I held onto her, not willing to let her go.
“Did you ever want kids?” Niamh asked.
“No,” I said. “I didn’t think I was ever going to have children.”
“And now?”
“I don’t know, Niamh. I guess that is up to you.”
“He’s given me an out,” Niamh said.
This made me frown. “What?”
“Ivan. He said when all of this is over and my father is no longer a threat, I can leave. I don’t have to stay. He’ll grant me a divorce and we’ll both be free.”
I held onto Niamh and didn’t say a word. The truth was, I didn’t like it. I was married to Niamh. She was my wife and Ivan was giving her a choice. No one else got a fucking choice. I hated it when Ivan told me, but it was now even worse hearing it from Niamh, because I couldn’t help but wonder, did she want to take it?
Slowly, I felt when Niamh had fallen asleep. I waited several minutes and told myself not to go to Ivan and fuck him up, but I just couldn’t let this sit for a moment longer.