Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 89985 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89985 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
I didn’t have a clue what my place was here. What did they expect of me?
The door to the bedroom closed and I glanced over to see Peter flicking the lock into place.
“Do we have to worry about them … breaking in?”
“No, but I figured you’d be happier with a lock on the door.”
I didn’t know if he was right or not.
Rubbing my head, I tried to stifle a yawn. I was exhausted. I hadn’t been sleeping well, and I knew I’d lost a little bit of weight as my clothes were hanging off me. Eating didn’t appeal to me, not in the slightest.
“Are you okay?” Peter asked.
I took a deep breath and shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just trying to figure everything out, you know.” I rubbed at my temple. I didn’t know if I was ready to do this. I’d done everything in my power to avoid this man for the past month.
So much had happened in such little time, and I didn’t know what to do or think. I’d not had time to comprehend either option.
I tensed up as Peter came to sit on the edge of the bed, right next to me. I wrapped my arms around myself, I didn’t know what or who I was protecting myself from.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“What?”
“Pretend to be him?”
“Who?”
“Peter Shadows,” I said. The truth was, I missed him so much. My father had truly come into our lives and made a total mess of everything. I felt tears fill my eyes and I quickly glanced down. I was not going to cry.
“I’m still here.”
“No, you’re not. He was a lie. You said so yourself. You were just acting the part. He doesn’t exist. Peter Shadows had never killed anyone. Peter was a nice guy.” I still couldn’t bring myself to look at him as I was attempting to control the tears that filled my eyes. They were being stubborn.
“Peter Shadows didn’t exist, Niamh. You can pretend all you want, but I was that man, and I am still that man.”
At first, I didn’t know how to respond, so a few seconds passed as I tried to get my bearings.
“You’re right, and that man was ordered to have sex with me. Just like now. You’re not here of your own free will. You are being forced to be with me, and do you know what that feels like?” I asked, but I didn’t give him time to answer. “It sucks, in a real big way. It sucks more than you could imagine.”
I hated to admit it, but it did. Knowing he’d been forced to be with me. I was nothing more than a job to him, and it hurt. Staring down at the floor, I willed myself not to let the tears fall, but it would seem my tears had other ideas, and that pissed me off. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to feel this way.
“Niamh, I may have gone to Pickle Quest to find you, to protect you, and to put a baby inside you. It was an order, but I didn’t do it out of force.”
I shook my head. “Stop.”
“I did it because I wanted to.”
“I said stop!” I got up from the bed, and then pressed my hands to my ears. “I get it, okay? I know I’m not beautiful. I know I’m not pretty, and I know you were only there because your boss ordered you to be. It’s the only reason you’re married to me.”
I didn’t know why I was freaking out. In that moment, I felt so tired. So … lost.
All my life, I’d grown accustomed to feeling unwanted. My mother had told me regularly that she had thought about aborting me. She’d even considered killing me as a baby, but my father had always shown up at the right moment, which convinced her to keep me alive.
It was strange, because I only had a vague memory of the older lady coming to see me. A woman who said she was my grandmother, and from the moment she said those words, I’d loved her. I ran into her arms and instantly told her I loved her. She stayed with me for a couple of days—sporadic visits that I always looked forward to—until she eventually stopped coming.
My father told me cruelly that she was now dead and wasn’t coming back. He’d told me she’d been getting senile and she didn’t love me at all. She didn’t even remember who I was.
I’d gotten used to experiencing a lot of hate. Knowing no one was capable of loving me.
Then Peter Shadows came along.
I tried to keep him at arm’s length. To not have anything to do with him. It was odd, because I wasn’t angry at him for following orders. I wasn’t angry at Peter for anything. I was angry at myself for believing it.