Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
“I think he likes that idea.” We both looked down to see Jasper’s cock standing at attention. “Do I get to see you too, or you plannin’ on showerin’ in your briefs?”
I tugged mine down, and when I did, my dick brushed against his, making us both hiss, before Jasper took a small step backward.
“It’s cute.” He winked, but I could see the nerves in him, knew by the way he wouldn’t make eye contact.
“I can take a shower in my room. This isn’t a race. You don’t have to do it all in one day to prove how you feel about me.” That was part of the reason we needed to talk. I needed to confirm this was what Jasper really wanted, that he wasn’t doing it just to keep me.
“I don’t want you to shower somewhere else. It just takes some gettin’ used to, is all. My whole life I thought I was a straight man, and now I’m in love with a guy and naked in a shower with him. It’s easier to go with the flow because it’s you, but sometimes it all just sorta hits me. It’s like I don’t even know who I am…or what I am, because I can’t want you the way I do and be straight. It’s a lot to work through.”
“I know. We’ll figure it out. Let’s just take a shower. Then I think we should talk.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
It wasn’t a sexy shower other than the fact that Jasper was naked in it with me. We didn’t touch or kiss, didn’t explore each other’s bodies. We washed up, accidentally bumping each other sometimes, then apologizing like we were two strangers on the street and not two men in love, or hell, even best friends.
When we got out, Jasper grabbed himself a towel, then handed one to me. We dried off, each of us putting one around our waist.
He went into his room, past his bed. I followed, but leaned against the sliding glass door, holding the towel in place around my hips and waiting.
“Jasp…do you really want this? Want me? This ain’t about just makin’ sure I don’t leave you, right? I gotta know, and now’s better than later. We can’t jump into this on a whim because you’re scared things are changin’. You gotta be sure.”
He turned to me, watched me with the same intensity I was watching him. “I want you. Don’t think I ever wanted anything in my life more than you. I know that, but my head is still strugglin’ with the details. Ain’t yours?”
“Yeah, it is. That’s why we have to be honest with each other. We can’t hold back, or it’ll ruin us.”
He nodded before walking closer to me. I was in the house and a small step up from him. Jasper held my waist and looked up at me. “I love you. I wanna be with you. The sex stuff is both excitin’ and scary. But even without that, I just want you to be mine.”
“I am.” There was no reason to deny it. I’d always been his.
“What are you askin’ of me, though? Because I can’t… Like I said last night, I can’t march down the street holdin’ your hand or let you kiss my head the way Sammy did with his boyfriend in the hospital.”
“Ever?” I was scared too, but were we supposed to stay a secret forever?
“No, I’m not sayin’ that, just…not yet. You’re my guy now, Sutt, you are, and I’m sorry I’m not ready to claim you to everyone, but in all the ways that matter, you’re mine. I’m just askin’ you for time. I might…I might lose them over this.”
“Shit.” He was right. I knew it just as much as I knew Jasper was meant for me. I wrapped my arms around him, kissed his head the way he was just saying we couldn’t do in public.
“If you need me to do it, Sutt, I’ll do it, but—”
“No. Fuck no. I’m not askin’ you that. I’m just tryin’ to figure out where we stand. I don’t ever want you to lose your family because you love me. As long as I have you, I’ll hide it our whole damn lives if we have to.” Just seconds ago I’d dreaded that outcome, and I still did. I wanted to be able to be with Jasper the way other couples were, but if it came between being out or losing him or Jasper losing his family, I would sacrifice that for him.
“Okay. Then we keep it between us for now. And I need to reconfirm that I do want the sex stuff…and I think you’re sexy as hell. Just…I’m fine one minute, but then it hits me and I get all up in my head about it. When I’m comin’ my brains out or you got your mouth on me, nothin’ else matters.”