Total pages in book: 213
Estimated words: 201920 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1010(@200wpm)___ 808(@250wpm)___ 673(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 201920 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1010(@200wpm)___ 808(@250wpm)___ 673(@300wpm)
Someone who would bear witness to what I’d done.
Someone who heard the screaming and came in through the front door.
Someone who saw Kevin’s dead body at my feet.
Allie’s neighbor from earlier, is screaming in the doorway behind me.
ALLISON
No. I take it back.
I take it all back.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
“Dean, stop!” I try to scream at him but my voice is hoarse, the pain ripping my throat as I topple over. The bleeding won’t stop. I keep pushing against Kevin’s throat with my trembling hands as if I can stop the flow. But it won’t.
It’s too late.
I know it is but I can’t stop trying.
I can barely breathe as my shaking hands move away from the limp body. He’s still warm but blood isn’t pumping from the wound anymore. It’s hardly a trickle.
“Are you okay?” I hear Dean ask over the sound of a shrill scream.
It takes me a moment to realize he’s trying to pick me up and move me, but I can’t move. I can’t be touched. I only catch a glimpse of a woman’s back from the doorway.
My heart races and my body chills.
“Dean,” I say. What did I do?
It happened so fast. Too fast to control. Too many moving parts to see what would come next.
I didn’t mean for this to happen. I try to blink away the vision. The memory. As the feeling of Kevin pushing me down comes back to me and I could vomit from it. I shove against Dean’s chest. My body reacts reflexively, trying to protect me.
“It’s me,” he says as I wrap my arms around my shoulders and try to get away.
I’m numb and shaking.
“It’s me. It’s okay. It’s okay.” Dean keeps speaking lies.
It’s not okay.
It’s never been worse.
Kevin’s body is at an odd angle on the floor and as I try to back away, Dean’s boot hits Kevin’s leg. And it moves easily, lifeless.
I didn’t mean for him to die.
It’s all I can think. I swear. I wanted the world to know who he was and what he was capable of.
I wanted him to pay for what he did to Sam.
But I never intended this.
“I’m sorry,” I say, the words whispered from my lips and Dean stiffens beside me. It’s the first time I really look up at him.
His hair’s disheveled and his eyes are narrowed and deadly. I should be scared of him, but all I can do is cling to his side.
“You didn’t do anything.” His t-shirt seems to tighten around his broad shoulders, the cotton stretching as he takes a heavy breath.
But didn’t I? The pain and regret all mix with everything else. It’s a whirlwind of chaos.
Right there beside us is the undeniable and crushing truth that I’ve brought Dean into this. I led him here. The one person who made me question it.
My heart stutters in my chest, refusing to believe this is real and not wanting to admit any of this. I just want to go back to that night in the hotel room and tell him everything. I want to beg for his forgiveness. To let him walk away and save him.
It’s too late.
The whisper hangs between us as I say, “What have I done?”
“You were fighting him,” Dean says and struggles to control his breathing. I can feel his eyes piercing into me but I can’t look him in the eyes. “You were fighting him and screaming,” he repeats.
I nod my head.
“He was hurting you.” His voice cracks on the last word.
I finally look up at him with tears welling in my eyes. The pain has apparently won. Of all things, pain is the most damaging. “He was trying to…” The words are slow, achingly slow and the worst word of all stays trapped in the back of my throat.
I’m going to be sick.
My stomach churns and I try to stand but my head’s foggy and I slip backward, almost touching the dead body.
With the image of him pushing me down, I try to get away and Dean’s there, holding me, pulling me away from the nonexistent threat. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
“I’m here,” he whispers and holds me as the faint sound of a siren in the distance sneaks in through the broken front door. “It’s okay.”
“Dean, it’s not okay.” I look into his eyes as I speak and I’m so wounded. None of this is okay. It hasn’t been. But it wasn’t supposed to become this. This isn’t right.
What have I done? Please, I just want to take it back.
My heart pounds in my chest. The fear is crippling.
“No.” The word bubbles from my lips repeatedly as the reality hits me. There’s no way I could have known this is what would happen. I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know and I didn’t want this.
“It’s okay. You’re okay,” Dean keeps saying even over the sound of the sirens growing louder by the minute. As if anything could be okay.