Total pages in book: 213
Estimated words: 201920 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1010(@200wpm)___ 808(@250wpm)___ 673(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 201920 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1010(@200wpm)___ 808(@250wpm)___ 673(@300wpm)
For the first time in a long time, I feel trapped. Suffocated by what’s coming.
I can’t leave her again.
I can’t watch her walk away, and I can’t leave her either.
But it was never my choice.
It’s always been hers.
CHAPTER 23
Addison
I can’t count the number of times I swore I was haunted. Not the hotels I stayed in or the places I moved. But me. A Romani woman in New Orleans once told me that it’s not places, it’s people who are haunted.
And since the day Tyler died, I swore up and down that he decided he would haunt me as I ran from place to place, never finding sanctuary.
From the creaks in the floorboards, to small things being misplaced. Every time I tried to find meaning in those moments. Each time I thought it was something Tyler wanted me to know and see.
There were so many nights when I cried out loud, begging him to forgive me. Even when I couldn’t forgive myself.
I wonder if Daniel heard my pleas.
My phone pings on the coffee table and out of a need to know what he has to say this time, I reach for it. I haven’t answered a single call or message from him. I don’t know what to tell him.
It’s fucked up. He’s fucked up.
He hurt me beyond recognition.
I should tell him how I couldn’t move for days on end. But the bastard knows that already.
I truly loved him, but a lie from years ago makes me question everything. He could have helped me heal. He could have shouldered the burden of my pain and I would have done the same for him. But just like when Tyler was alive, he was silent. He gave me nothing.
I’m surprised by the hurt that ripples through me when I see it’s Rae and not Daniel.
It’s a shocking feeling. And it takes me a moment to realize what I really want. I want him to beg me to forgive him. I want him to know my pain.
I let the idea resonate with me as I ignore Rae and click over to Daniel’s texts. Six of them in a row.
I’m sorry.
I was wrong.
I couldn’t help myself.
If I wasn’t with you and watching you it was too much for me to take.
I wish you would understand.
I would never hurt you. I never will.
I read his texts and the anger boils as I text back. You’ll never know how much it hurt to go through that alone. And you made it worse for me. You sat in silence while I was in pain. How could you ever think I’d forgive you?
I realize I’m more disturbed that he didn’t try to help me than the fact that he stalked me. I guess that’s not so different from what he did when I was with Tyler.
I press send without thinking twice. And then I click over to Rae, who wants to know how it’s going. Fucking priceless, I think bitterly.
I roll my eyes, letting a shudder run through my body and tears roll down my cheeks. Instead of answering her, I move to the kitchen for a bottle of wine.
I still haven’t unpacked my wine glasses and I know it’s because part of me was already envisioning leaving with Daniel. I knew he wasn’t staying long and I’d go anywhere with him. I would have done anything he wanted to be by his side.
My phone pings again as I bend down and grab a bottle of merlot by the neck from the bottom shelf of my wine rack. I pretend I’m going to let the phone sit there, but I’m too eager to see what he has to say. I’m a slave to his response.
He writes back, Because I was in pain too. And I’m sorry. It wasn’t to hurt you. It was only to distract me from the guilt I felt.
Pain and guilt and agony and death make people do awful things. But it’s no excuse.
I write back instantly, You used me.
I did.
I hate you for it. I stare at the text message and with the pain in my heart, I already know it’s not hate. It just hurts so much that he watched and did nothing.
Can you love me and hate me at the same time?
I’ll never forgive you.
He types some and then the bubbles that indicate he’s writing stop. And then they continue, but suddenly stop again. All the while I grip my phone tightly.
Instead of waiting, I write more. My hands shake and the anger in me confuses itself for sorrow.
I needed someone and I had no one. I wanted you, you had to know. I blamed myself for everything when there was no reason to think otherwise. You could have helped me, but you only watched. You made my pain so much worse than it needed to be.