Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 64320 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 257(@250wpm)___ 214(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64320 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 257(@250wpm)___ 214(@300wpm)
“Yes.” The single word nearly strangles me and I swallow down the pain that threatens me. “I told him, and he was so happy.” I have to put my hand up to my mouth to keep from getting emotional again.
“I think it’s okay if you cry,” Sue says gently. “You’re going through so much and you can always blame it on hormones.”
A soft but genuine laugh sneaks in, shutting down the overwhelming heartache.
“I told him, and he still chose to leave.”
“Why?”
“He didn’t say,” I tell them then correct myself. “No, he said,” I try to quote him although I’m not sure if it’s exact, “’I have to finish something, but it’s only for a short while.’”
“What the heck does that mean?” Maddie asks with her face scrunched up.
“I don’t know,” I say, raising my voice in exasperation and that’s exactly how I feel.
“Maybe he’s worried about the stress from everything he’s going through getting to you?” Sue suggests and I don’t mean to, but I’m well aware that I stare daggers at her. “As if leaving me is any better?” I practically snap.
Her hands fly into the air defensively as she says, “I take it back. He’s such an asshole.”
“Here’s your tea, sweetheart.” Jules sits next to me on the plush sofa, holding out a cup for me. The steam itself is comforting. The seat sinks in slowly, dipping as she gets comfortable beside me.
“I’m still so happy you’re pregnant,” Maddie says, offering up a distraction as she leans forward and reaches for my hand, squeezing it gently. “You’re going to be the best mom,” she says with such certainty even though she looks so sad.
“Do you want one of us to go with you to your next doctor’s appointment?” Sue asks, but I shake my head.
“I’ll be fine.”
“It’s not about being fine, love,” Sue says. “I could take pictures or something.”
“Of her hoo-ha?” Maddie jokes and Sue rolls her eyes.
“Just to have someone there,” Sue says.
“I would love to go with you,” Jules says.
“I rescheduled the one I missed yesterday but it’s not for a few weeks,” I tell them, shrugging it off like it doesn’t matter. Like I’m not worried my baby can feel my pain and that every night I cry alone in our bed I’m damaging this tiny life.
Like I’m already a horrible mother and all this shit is going to hurt my baby.
“They couldn’t get you in sooner?”
“I told them I wasn’t free until the end of the month. I just want to get my life together,” I say and take in a calming breath. “I know what I want, and I’m going to go for it whether or not Evan is beside me.” Picking at nonexistent fuzz on my sweater I add, “I’m going to need some time before I can … before I can be the kind of happy and grateful I want to be when I first see my baby … even if it is only a little blip on a screen.”
“You deserve happiness,” Maddie says and the other girls nod.
“Instead of the appointment, I watched a bunch of men I don’t know install a security system and fix a window.”
“A window?” Maddie asks and Sue tilts her head in confusion that matches Jules’s furrowed brow.
Huffing out a breath, I decide not to elaborate on that. “I wish Evan would stop living like he’s twenty-one and doing stupid things … like leaving me.”
“I can’t imagine him walking away when he knows you’re pregnant,” Sue says although I’m not sure it was intended for me. She stares absently at the roaring fire, the crackling filling the silence that follows her words.
“I think that’s what hurts the most. It was so … When I told him, he was just so …” I have to pause and close my eyes. I remember the way he held me and kissed me, and it kills me.
“Hey now,” Sue says. “You’re going to be fine regardless. He’s got a situation he’s dealing with.”
I roll my eyes at the word “situation.”
“The fact that he has any situation is the problem.” All of my frustration flies out of my mouth. “We should have our lives together. Stability and a family.”
It’s silent once I’ve finished. Maddie looks down at the rug and Jules has an expression of sympathy, although neither says anything.
“I agree,” Sue responds gently after a moment.
“It’s going to be okay,” Maddie speaks up although she doesn’t look at me, she just picks at the rug. She shrugs and says, “Being pregnant and single is like the new trend anyway.”
I let out a little laugh, and it breaks up the tension. Maddie even smiles.
“Well, at least it’s fashionable then.” My hand moves to my belly subconsciously and a surge of strength eases my pain.
I can do this, and I deserve happiness. I’m worthy of that. If Evan doesn’t think so, then he’ll have to deal with the consequences.