Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 59690 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 298(@200wpm)___ 239(@250wpm)___ 199(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 59690 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 298(@200wpm)___ 239(@250wpm)___ 199(@300wpm)
My stomach bottomed out at those words. I didn’t want to even think about that. I’d walked out, knowing that he needed time to reconsider his stupid decision. He couldn’t quit his job because his dad had said something mean about me. Like, that would never work in the long run.
I hadn’t meant we were breaking up. He’d done the same thing to me when I was debating about Harvard. And, yeah, I’d originally decided to go and leave him behind. He could make that decision, too. Would we break up then?
I wanted to vomit at that thought. Three years we’d been apart. Three years where I’d wanted him more and more each day that passed. It should have been easy to just say, Whatever. I don’t care about your decision. I could have stayed and pretended like it didn’t matter.
But it did matter.
All of it fucking mattered. He couldn’t give up on his dreams to be with me. That wasn’t ever going to fly for me. I’d chosen a different path that included him. A path I’d chosen not because of him, but for myself. He was going to have to do the same. He wasn’t stupid enough to not see the light.
“That’s not going to happen,” I told Bailey.
“Okay. I hope you’re right.”
“I want him to choose me,” I blurted out.
Bailey polished off her ice cream and then tucked her legs underneath her. “Hasn’t he already chosen you?”
“Yes, but this is different. He can quit. If that’s what he wants, he can quit, obviously. I don’t think he wants that. And I don’t want to be the scapegoat he uses later if he decides he fucked up.”
“That’s fair.”
“But what if he doesn’t come to that conclusion? I don’t know. What if he thinks it’s stupid?”
“That doesn’t sound like him, but if it does happen, then you have to decide what you’re going to do.”
My panicked expression must have been answer enough.
Bailey put her hand on mine. “What do you want to happen?”
“I want him,” I whispered. I set my ice cream down and came to my feet. “You don’t understand. Chase Sinclair is all I have wanted for the last three years. Now that I have him, the very last thing I ever want is for it to end. I want it to be forever and ever, amen.”
“Right. I was there, remember?”
“For some of it,” I said. “But I love him. I love him so fucking much that it hurts. I can’t imagine breaking up.” I choked on the words. “I can’t even say them. Oh my God. I can’t even think them. It feels like my insides are on fire at the mere mention. And at the same time, I can’t do nothing. Not when we spent three years apart so that we could make the right decision. Fuck, it doesn’t even make sense.”
“You’re just in limbo, and you hate it.”
“Yes,” I said on a sigh. “I hate the anxiety of not knowing what he’s thinking. But I don’t want to go to him. He has to come to me. He has to make the decision on his own. And then we can figure it out together.”
“That sounds like a decision.”
“Does it?” I asked helplessly. “It sounds like doing nothing.”
“Sometimes, doing nothing is the right option. You told him what you wanted and needed from him. You put the ball in his court. You can’t fix anything before he decides what he’s going to do.”
“I know.”
“But you hate it.”
“Waiting and not knowing? Yes, I hate it.” I shook my hands out. “I want him to just have never said that to his father.”
“What’s done is done. You can’t go back, only forward.”
“I know.” I sighed, sinking back into my seat. “So, sit and wait to hear from him?”
She grasped my hand. “He’s going to come to the right conclusion. He’s not that dumb.”
I laughed humorlessly. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”
But it didn’t make me feel any better. I’d made the right choice, and it felt worse than ever. Being away from him felt like death. I wished that I could erase the entire night and get a do-over, but I couldn’t. And until I heard from Chase, I just had to sit in my discomfort.
17
CHASE
I parked my Subaru outside of Annie’s house. She hadn’t answered any of my texts, which only happened when she was on shift at the hospital, but she’d told me earlier this week that she had the weekend off. Maybe she’d been called in anyway.
I could have called Kai.
I should have called Kai.
But part of me knew that only Annie could help me through the nightmare that was my current situation. The fucking hell I’d walked headfirst into.
With my hands stuffed into my jeans, I lurched toward the door and pressed the doorbell. It rang noisily into the confines of that giant Wright house. I’d only been here once or twice. Usually, if I saw Annie anymore, it was at my place because of the Wright problem within. But today was necessary.