Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 85183 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85183 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
I can't live with myself right now.
My sister is crying, and John's arm is around her shoulders. I take my seat, my body tense.
Lizzy reaches for me. "Oh, God, Victoria." She wraps her arms around me, but I think it's more for herself than me.
She's shaking her head, leaning on her husband, breaking down because she thinks her baby sister got raped and knocked up by a murderer. I love her, but she will never understand this. She can't possibly understand the depth of my love for Jude, and I would never tell her. There are some things that bond two people irrevocably. Jude and I have been to hell and back. We have suffered loss and pain, the kind of pain that destroys you until all you have left is each other.
People say their loved one is the other half of them. Jude is the other half of my heart, both of us too broken to have an entire soul left. We're two halves making up a whole. And I need him like I need air to breathe.
Ours is a story of loss and suffering, of a love so fucked up it should be impossible, but despite all the odds, I really thought we would get our happily ever after. If I think about it though, we were always destined to destroy one another. I just never thought it would be me who destroyed him.
I've been waiting in this small holding room for about an hour while the jury deliberates. I keep replaying the expression on her face when she said I raped her. That one word felt like a fucking piece of shrapnel had ripped through my chest. Even though I told her to say it, and I hoped that she would, it still fucking hurt. From the outside, everything she said appears to be true. It's easier for people to believe she was raped than it is for them to accept that she fell in love with a guy like me. Out of all of this, what bothers me the fucking most is that one day, our daughter will question who her father is. She'll wonder why I've never been there, and if she asks anyone but Tor, what will they say? Eventually, she will find out who I am, and when that happens, she will hate me, she will believe she is the result of something fucking awful. And she's not.
The door to the room opens, and the officer steps inside to get me. "Come on. They've reached a verdict."
I'm escorted back to the courtroom, all eyes hone in on me, judging me as I take my seat on the wooden bench. I'm immediately forced to stand back up when the judge enters and takes his place at the stand.
"Have the jurors reached a decision?" he asks, peering over his glasses.
One man rises, papers in hand as he says, "We have."
"Proceed with the sentencing, please."
The man's eyes nervously dart over to mine then back down to the papers. "On count one of murder in the first degree," his voice shakes and he stops to clear his throat. "We the jury find the defendant guilty." I listen to them rattle off the verdict, and then I hear "... death by lethal injection."
My heart drums up into my throat. Knowing your life is over is a fucking unsettling feeling. I turn to look at Tor, and she's staring at me, eyes wide, her face washed ghost-white. She grabs onto the seat in front of her and stumbles forward before her body goes limp. Her sister catches her before she hits the floor.
"Tor," I shout, jumping up and rushing in her direction. I make it just a few steps before I'm tackled to the ground by several officers. I fight to get them off of me. "Get the fuck off of me."
I'm dragged to my feet.
I pull against them as they push me to the side of the room. "Somebody fucking do something." I turn to face the officer to my left and glare at him. "Do something!" I growl through my clenched teeth. "Fucking get her help!"
"Mr. Pearson!" the judge shouts. "Sit back down in your seat! Bailiff, get Ms. Devaux some medical attention please."
They aren't moving quickly enough and fuck it; I've just been sentenced to death, what the hell does it matter?
"Get her help right the fuck now!"
"Take him out of my courtroom. Now!" the judge orders.
I'm not leaving this room until she comes to. Let them try and fucking make me! These fucking men are half my size. I manage to throw my weight around enough that I knock one of the officers off his feet. I snatch my other arm free, and I pull my cuffed arms back like I'm holding a Louisville Slugger and slam my fists against the remaining officer's temple. He drops to the floor like a fucking fly, and the entire room erupts in panicked screams.