Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 85183 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85183 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
My chest squeezes, and I feel horrible. I pull my top down and sit up. He rears back, giving me room. I press a hand flush to his chest and feel his heart beating quickly beneath the solid muscle. I stare up into his eyes. They're such a deep shade of green; they sometimes look black.
"Just..." I pause. "Just, not here." I offer him a small smile. He's done nothing wrong, and I feel bad keeping this from him, but I act out of love. I keep it from him because with Joe out there, I honestly don't know what the future holds for us right now. I don't even know what the future holds for me. I have moments of clarity, moments of strength, but every day seems like a battle to keep the demons at bay. I feel like there are two versions of me, and they are being torn apart. One part of me wants to fight, wants to live and love Jude, and scrape whatever happiness we can from the shattered remains of our lives. But the other part, the part that wakes up screaming every night, the part that is irreparably damaged struggles to comprehend a 'normal' life. It's a tough battle to fight. Both sides have something in common though, they both want blood and death, both want revenge in a way that is all consuming. I know Jude will find out about the baby eventually. I have maybe another two weeks before I won't be able to hide it from him anymore, and if he touches my stomach... sooner, much sooner.
He studies me, his eyes narrowed. I look away because he's too perceptive, and I'm terrified that he'll see my deception. I feel his fingers brush my neck.
"It's okay, doll." His voice is soft yet deep, like a soothing baseline to my anxious state.
He helps me to stand, taking my hand in his as he leads me back toward the cabin.
I just need him to find Joe; nothing matters beyond that.
"I can't find him..." David sighs into the phone. I know he's waiting for me to blow up over this. The fact that no one can figure out where that bastard is pisses me the fuck off, but Tor's asleep and I don't want to wake her. I grit my teeth, reining myself in. I lean my forearm against the window pane, clenching my fist as I stare out at the thick storm clouds rolling in. It's been fucking weeks. I'm just ready to get this over with and move on with my life. I want to feel like she's safe.
"But," he continues. "I found a guy. Joe calls him once a day to 'check in on things'."
I inhale. "I'm tired of fucking dealing with people other than him. I want fucking Joe!" I growl.
At the mention of his name, Tor whimpers in her sleep. I walk to the side of the bed and stroke her arm in an attempt to soothe her.
"I know, but I think this guy—if you play him right, can get you to Joe," David assures me.
My mind jumps back to all the shit I did trying to get to Tor, and for a moment, I grow paranoid. "What about the cops? They aren't onto me, huh?"
"Nah. As far as they're concerned you're fucking dead. Blew up in the house."
"Good." I nod to myself. "Keep it that fucking way."
"Joe's gotten messy, he'll get locked up soon enough." David falls silent, and I can tell he's hesitating. "Look, you wanna get to him, you're gonna have to set this up. You can't just go in there and kill this guy, that place is full of Joe's guys. You've gotta be smart, JP."
"Well, no shit. I'm not a fucking idiot..."
"You haven't exactly been the most logical person lately. I mean hell, you lost your shit on me, I'm just saying. You're gonna have to get him alone. Really fucking alone. Okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I got it."
I hear the rustle of papers. "This guy's name's Mussa, big Italian guy. Found out Joe owns this little hole in the wall bar, it's basically just a front for the prostitutes he runs out of it." I can hear him tapping his fingers over something as he inhales deeply. "You're gonna need to use a woman."
"Fuck no." I shake my head. "I'm not using a damn woman!"
"You want Joe? Look, I've been watching this guy and trust me, the only way you can get to him is with a whore. I can just tell one of the prostitutes I arrest that the charges will be dropped if she does us a favor."
I can't think straight at the moment. I don't want to fuck around with anyone else, much less a fucking prostitute. I just want to get this guy and get to Joe so Tor and I can get the hell out of here.