Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 85183 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85183 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Tor,
You need to move on with your life. You have your life back. You have your family back. You are where you belong.
You were meant to be a doctor, get married, join a fucking country club, not fall in love with me. I am not, and never was, right for you. You had no other choice but to love me, Tor, because you are a survivor. That is what you do, adapt to survive. You loved me to survive. I know you can't see it now, but one day you will. I will make sure you are taken care of. The love I have for you, for our baby, is genuine. You are my world, and that is why this is the last time you will ever hear from me, because I love you.
Sometimes the lines between right and wrong become so blurred that everything seems like it's right. You may be right for me, Tor, but I am fucking wrong for you.
I will always love you,
Jude
Silent tears fall down my cheeks. Is he doing this because he can't forgive me? Does he really believe that my love for him was borne of necessity? Does he really want me to move on? To forget about him? I know what he's saying makes sense in a twisted way. I should move on. Jude is going to be in prison until he dies, my pining for him is only causing my misery, but even so, his doing this to me hurts so fucking much.
I hear a throat clear and glance up to find Lizzy standing in the doorway of the snug, her hands on her hips. "Right, that's it. It's been weeks Victoria. I'm not letting you wallow in this any longer." I glance up at the scowl fixed on her face, but don't respond. She sighs and moves until she's right in front of me. "You're scaring me, Ri." She whispers. "I know... I can't even imagine what you've been through, but you have to go on with your life."
She's right. I have to, even Jude is telling me that, but how? If I knew, then I would.
"Look, I spoke to the hospital about allowing you to continue your residency, after..." She won't say the word baby. She avoids the topic altogether. No one wants to talk about the rapist's child. "They agreed to have you back, given the circumstances. Isn't that great?" she says a little too enthusiastically.
"Yeah, that's great." My voice is flat, emotionless. Isn't that what I want? To go back to the job that I spent seven years learning to do? To save lives? I don't know anymore. My views have changed. I no longer value life the way I used to. I've become numb to death, and that makes me a liability as a doctor.
"And..." She shifts uneasily and takes a seat next to me, sweeping her hair behind her ear as her eyes fix mine. She takes my hand in both of hers and swallows heavily. "I really think it would be for the best if you were to..." she takes a deep breath. “If you were to put the baby up for adoption." I drop her hand and jump up so fast the room spins. "I just... it's not healthy, Victoria. That baby will be a constant reminder, dragging you back to the past, to him. You could move on with your life, be a doctor, get married, have other kids."
This baby is all I have left, and she wants me to give her away, give away Jude's child, the child he made me testify against him for. "Never," I whisper, too hurt to voice it properly.
"Ria, please..." I leave the room, cutting her off. I feel sick. This is it, my so called family, my only living relative. She doesn't really love me. She loves me as long as I'm her sane and successful sister, doing the right thing. This version though, with the spawn of a convicted criminal... she doesn't want this version of her sister. I run up the stairs to my room.
I shut my bedroom door and slide down the wood. With shaking hands, I pull my phone from my pocket and take out Jude's letter, with Marney's number at the bottom.
I type the number into the phone with trembling fingers and place the receiver to my ear. I listen to it ring, hoping to God he fucking picks up.
"Hello?" his raspy voice croaks into the line.
"Marney," I choke out.
"Well, hello there little darlin'." I can almost hear him smiling. "I was wondering when you were gonna call me. What's got you all upset?"
I smile through my tears. I missed him. "Hey." I sniff. "I need. I can't..." More tears slide down my cheeks.
I hear a lighter click in the background. "You want me to come get you?"