Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 157175 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 157175 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
‘But I went on a date with you?’
‘We’d had sex a fair few times by the time I actually took you out for dinner.’
‘I was easy.’ She grimaces, as if disappointed with herself. She shouldn’t be. If anything, it was me who was disappointed that it took so long for her to finally give in to the pull that was driving us both to distraction. ‘I shouldn’t be surprised since I know how quickly I fell pregnant.’ She shakes her head in dismay, and I keep my mouth firmly zipped closed. ‘But part of me was hoping you’d tell me we met, sparks flew, you asked me out, we dated for a time, we eventually fell into bed and made romantic love, and then when the time was right, you proposed. And we lived happily ever after.’
It’s as I thought. All sweet and light in that mind of hers. Idyllic fairy tales. Fucking hell, she’s so far off the mark, she may as well be on another planet. ‘Not quite like that.’
‘Then like what?’ She’s hungry for information, keen to learn. I’m not sure I’m very keen to tell.
‘Well, when you refused to entertain my . . .’ I pause, wondering how best to position it. ‘Advances.’ That’s diplomatic enough. ‘I had to get creative.’
‘I refused?’ Her eyes take a little trip down my reclined body, clearly wondering why she turned me down. It plants another seed of hope that I pray won’t be killed off before it has a chance to grow into something beautiful.
‘Yes, and it’s a question I asked myself many times, too.’ I smile when she finds it in herself to rip her stare away from my chest. ‘You’re stubborn. Always have been, always will be.’
She sniffs though doesn’t argue, pressing on with her thirst for information. ‘Creative how?’
I open my mouth to tell her exactly how, and then think better of it. This needs careful approaching. ‘You refused to come back to The Manor to fulfil your designs, and I knew it was because you were wary of me, of the feelings you had. It was most frustrating.’ I half scowl at her, and she half smiles in return. ‘So I promised I’d stay out of your way if you came back and finished the job.’ I can see her trying to cast her mind back. ‘But I didn’t.’
‘Stay out of my way?’
I nod. ‘Staying away from you proved very . . . tricky.’
‘You must have had a real crush.’
‘A crush?’ I laugh. ‘An obsession would be more apt. You blew me back, with your beauty, your voice, your passion for your job. For the first time in years, I felt alive.’
‘Years?’
I knew we’d have to go over this, but . . . God, it’s not something I relish the thought of. ‘I was a bit of . . .’ I fade off, thinking how to make it sound less sordid. ‘A playboy.’
‘Well, that’s not a surprise, since you owned a sex club.’ She’s taking it rather well. It’s a stark contrast to the reaction back in the day. If only she’d been this willing to listen and accept back then, when she discovered the communal room. I shudder, remembering the train wreck that ensued. ‘So you used to screw around?’ she asks.
‘Something like that.’
‘But you stopped when you met me? ’
‘I stopped,’ I say, hating myself for bending the truth. Positively hating myself. I’m being selective with what I tell her, and I know in my heart of hearts that it isn’t fair.
‘Why don’t I believe you?’ She tilts her head, scanning my worried face. ‘You’re lying to me, aren’t you?’
I close my eyes, stress creeping up on me, and swallow down my fear. I can’t even appreciate the fact that she’s reading me like a book, like she knows me inside out. ‘There was this one incident.’
‘You cheated on me?’ She’s up off the couch quickly, glaring down at me through the discomfort her sharp move has spiked. I’m about to be trampled, Ava-style.
‘Not exactly.’ I grab her hand and encourage her back down, not releasing her when she fights to regain possession of her limb. ‘We weren’t really . . .’ Fuck, how can I put it? ‘Exclusively dating.’
‘But we were seeing each other?’
‘I guess so. If that’s what you want to call it.’
‘Well, I don’t know, Jesse.’ She’s getting more and more irate, and I have no idea how to handle it. Usually I’d pounce right back at her. We’d spar with words, and then we’d make friends in the bedroom. ‘Because I can’t fucking remember, can I?’ she seethes.
‘Watch your fucking mouth!’
She recoils, disgust invading her face. ‘Excuse me?’
‘I don’t like it when you swear.’
‘Well, I don’t like finding out that my husband has cheated on me.’
Motherfucking God! I release my hold of her and sink my head into my palms, searching for some calm. I never dreamed we’d be going over this again. ‘Ava, I got myself in a bit of a state over what I felt for you. It wasn’t healthy, the intense feelings so soon. So I walked away from you. I drank, a lot, and I screwed two women. And I didn’t even finish, because all I could see was you. I spent two fucking days locked in my office wondering what the hell to do. Because you didn’t know about The Manor. You didn’t know about my history. You knew nothing, and I didn’t have a clue how to tell you.’ This is fucking knackering me out. All of it. ‘So I threw all of my energy into making you fall in love with me in the hopes that you would accept it all when I found the courage to tell you. And you did, Ava.’ I grab her hand, ignoring her startled expression and soldiering on. ‘You accepted me because you were as hopelessly in love with me as I was with you. You couldn’t be without me, either. You let me take the lead and you followed willingly. You let me lavish you with the attention and suffocation, because you knew it’s what I needed. You learned how to deal with me, Ava, and you are the only person in this world who can.’ My voice cracks. ‘And now I feel like you’re slipping away from me, and I don’t have a fucking clue how to make it right.’