Total pages in book: 150
Estimated words: 142818 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 714(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 142818 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 714(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
Although his eyes remained fixed on Elden, Swiss’s hardened expression softened a bit more. Not completely yet, though, so I pressed on.
“You’re doing the nonverbal thing, but I assume you have retained the ability to hear sounds.” I leaned forward, glaring, rage shaping my words into pointed, dangerous things. “So I’ll remind you of what happened when my mother got pregnant and was then forced to marry the man who impregnated her.”
Swiss froze, and Elden exhaled loudly.
“He wouldn’t lay a hand on you,” Swiss sneered.
“No,” I agreed. “Not unless I wanted him too,” I added wickedly, causing Swiss to curse.
Elden rubbed his temples.
“And I did,” I continued. “Want him to touch me. Which is how I ended up pregnant. Just in case you missed that one health class. And I do … want him.” My cheeks flamed. I hadn’t intended to go so far, but my fury was paving the way. “But I don’t want to marry him.” I didn’t look at Elden because I didn’t want to see disappointment or relief in his expression. I didn’t know which one I wanted. All I knew was, in theory, I was very against marriage. I had been before I knew about my father and after.
Marriage did not start off as some wholesome, sweet thing. It never was wholesome or sweet, it just had a great PR team. Marriage was about forcing alliances between families, women used as cattle in transactions that had nothing to do with what they wanted. Because history didn’t care much about what women wanted.
I forced myself back to the present. Where I was currently furious at my stepfather for thinking we’d time traveled back a couple of hundred years.
“I don’t want to marry him because my stepfather is forcing me to do so,” I hissed at him. “The stepfather who is supposed to be all about living life on the fringes of society, about abandoning social norms like forcing a woman to get married because she had the gall to engage in unprotected sex.”
“You tell him, girlfriend,” Sariah chanted from her spot beside Colby. He was still gripping her arm. She was smiling.
Interesting.
Though I didn’t know everything about my best friend, I could be certain that she hadn’t witnessed something like this before. But she didn’t look shocked or traumatized. The bitch was smiling…
There wasn’t time for wonder at that because I wasn’t done telling Swiss off.
“We should not have kept this from you for so long,” I admitted. “But I was the one who wanted to keep it quiet.” I pointed to my own chest as I continued to glare. “Although I’m sure you like to think you’re pretty special, and I would tend to agree with you when you’re not waving a gun at my man and threatening to kill him.” My eyes narrowed on Swiss. “Right now, you’re not being special. Or kind or funny or anything like the man I know you are. You’re acting the exact way I thought you would. Like I don’t have a mind of my own. Like I don’t deserve to choose who I want to be with.”
“How about someone who’s not almost two decades older than you?” Swiss snarled.
“It’s too late for you to argue about whether or not he’s age appropriate,” I rolled my eyes. “But even if it wasn’t, I’m an adult. I’m going to make my own decisions, and I just buried a father who liked to control me and my mother.”
Swiss was the one who flinched now. It was a low blow, and maybe he didn’t deserve it. But then I remembered the feeling of seeing a gun pointed to Elden’s head.
“So you better make some choices.” My voice was no longer loud and passionate. I was tired. Already. And I knew this battle had just begun. “You need to realize that you can pound your chest, wave your weapon and make declarations of violence. But those actions have consequences. And your word is not law. I’m pretty sure this whole fucking club was founded because of your mutual distaste of laws. You may have been founded in a time when women didn’t have a voice, didn’t have much of a role beyond procreation and pleasure, but it is not that time now.” I put my hands on my hips. “I fucking dare you to try and tell me what I should do with my life now.”
Swiss appraised me for a long time. It hurt, much more than I let on, to see that coldness in his gaze, that disappointment. I hated that although I might’ve been talking some big talk, I felt very small and vulnerable.
At least I had a good poker face.
Mom was watching me with glassy eyes. I knew she was torn between me and Swiss, trying to gauge who needed her most in that moment. I hated that this was hurting her, that she was in the middle of this conflict. But it wasn’t me who chose to turn it into a conflict.