Total pages in book: 210
Estimated words: 203847 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1019(@200wpm)___ 815(@250wpm)___ 679(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 203847 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1019(@200wpm)___ 815(@250wpm)___ 679(@300wpm)
“Um.” My mouth is dry. I drink, but it makes no difference. “When you say ‘go together,’ do you mean like…”
“A date, Liv. Yes. I’m asking you to come with me as my date.”
I exhale slowly. Ooookay. “Um. I… I have to go. I can’t think right now. I…” I close my eyes and stand up. “I’m sorry. Please let me go think.”
He looks like he wants to argue. To fight. But he doesn’t. He simply nods once and I run out of the restaurant.
My head pounds as I walk through Seattle. I’m not paying any attention to where I’m going. I’m just walking.
A date. That’s…a big, almost nonexistent line. Sure, the drink in the bar and the drink just then could have been constituted as dates. Hell, the time we had dinner with Day and Aaron and Tyler pinned me against my car and kissed the fuck out of me could have been a date.
But none were ever defined. And I can deal with that. I can deal with a hazy fog of not knowing because then I can convince myself that it’s not real and I don’t crave his touch or the sound of his voice or the flick of his tongue and oh my god.
I am so fucking fucked.
I lean against a wall and bury my face in my hands. Here it is—my admission to myself.
I’m getting addicted to Tyler Stone. Not only my mind, but my body, too. And quite possibly my heart.
That’s the worst. The heart. If I agree to this date, I’m agreeing to let my heart get addicted. It’s one thing for my body to crave him. It’s something quite different if my heart does.
Because bodies can’t be destroyed by love. Hearts can. Even minds can be.
I learned that the hard way. No one ever told me how brutal love was. They never told me how, coupled with addiction, it could shatter you. Ruin you.
Because when you get addicted to something, that something becomes your whole world. It becomes the central point for your existence. You live for nothing but the addiction, and every minute you aren’t feeding it is a minute you’re craving it.
Walking away from it takes willpower. It takes mental strength and determination—something that’s easy to come by when you don’t want what you’re addicted to. Then you have a reason to say no. You have a reason to turn your back.
I don’t have that. Apart from my own fears, I have no reason to walk away from that gorgeous man. I have no reason to turn away and run from the man who sets my body on fire with an unnatural ease.
I have no reason to give up the person who’s made me feel more alive than I have in years.
I know in my heart that my walking away just now was irrational. It was stupid and impulsive, and if I didn’t think it would hurt, I’d slap myself fucking silly for it.
Because he didn’t deserve that. He deserved a “Let me think about it and get back to you. What are we doing now?” Not a giant, metaphorical “Fuck you!”
I’m an idiot. I’m an idiot and a fool and a giant, raging fucking bitch.
I’m flightier than a bird ready to migrate. I’m giving myself whiplash with my own indecision over what I want, so fuck only knows how Tyler feels. Back and forth, back and forth… In my mind, it’s a never-ending circle of what-ifs and trepidation. It’s a foundation of anxiety and fear.
And I have to make a choice—sooner or later, I’ll have to stop running. I’ll have to face up to the dangers my addiction poses to both me and others and deal with them.
I told Tyler that I trust him, but I don’t. Not really. If I did, I wouldn’t have run out of that restaurant like someone had doused my pants in gas and set me alight.
Maybe now is the time to stop running. Maybe now is the time to step back and face up to the fears that are slowly creeping out.
Maybe now is the time to be honest with myself.
My name is Olivia Warren. I’m an addict. I’m addicted to love and I’m addicted to the same person I fall in love with. I’m tempted and allured by their voice and their touch, and eventually, I will crave them. Body and soul. And I’m running because, once upon a time, my addiction nearly cost me my life.
But now, I’m aware of it. And I can control it. So I’m not running anymore.
I’m eventually going to crave Tyler Stone—body and soul. I’m going to trust a man I probably shouldn’t, and I’m going to give in to the wild temptation running rampant through my veins.
“A date? You have a date?”
“There’s no need to sound so surprised, Mom. It happens occasionally.” I drop back onto the sofa and prop my feet on the coffee table.