Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 79185 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79185 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
When he falls to the bed, I go down beside him, kiss his cheek, his shoulder, watch him smile at me with droopy eyes.
“Don’t go yet,” he whispers softly.
“I won’t.” I wrap an arm around him and pull him close.
Let’s start over.
Stay with me.
Help me forget the past.
So many thoughts circle through my head…now if only I could find a way to set them free.
Chapter 21
Bishop
The room grows silent as Porter and I pant and try to calm our racing hearts. He just rocked my world like no one before him, and I can’t stop the stitch of disappointment that he likely couldn’t admit the same.
“Are you ever gonna tell me the truth?”
“’Bout what?”
“About leaving?”
“Christ, not this again.” He lifts his torso as if to get up, but I roll on top and pin him down. And just as he’s about to object, I fit my mouth against his and kiss him hard, my tongue sneaking inside his mouth until I feel his muscles soften and he gives in.
We kiss for a long time, until I reluctantly drag myself away. He looks debauched as I stare down at him, and I can’t help smirking.
“I’m not trying to upset you, Port. It’s just…this is something between us that I can’t shake.”
He rubs his eyes and murmurs, “Why do you want to know so badly?”
“I told you.” I roll to my back and stare at the ceiling. “Because it hurt something awful.”
He puffs out a jagged breath. “Even knowing that it could never last?”
“Doesn’t mean it didn’t feel real with you. No matter what we told ourselves. You were…” My first—and only—love. “Important to me.”
I hear a sharp inhale, but he doesn’t say anything. I don’t expect him to. He holds his emotions too close to the vest.
“Maybe that’s the reason?” I ask, trying to temper my voice. “It was getting too serious and it scared you off?”
When there’s no response outside of his arm muscles tightening, I wish I could take the words back. Still, I stay motionless and wait.
Finally, he shifts toward me. “After my mom died, I came to see you. Hell, I ran to see you. I wanted to talk to you, to ask you to hold me, make me forget.”
“What?” I sit up, my pulse jumping. “No, you didn’t. At least nobody told me. I asked around the ranch if anyone saw you here or in town, desperate for any information.”
He frowns and averts his eyes. “I parked down the hidden road and came to the house on foot. But when I got close, I saw Aimee there, with you. I could picture it perfectly in my mind just watching the two of you: the future Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan.”
“That’s not true!” I protest.
He huffs out a laugh. “Isn’t it? She’s who your parents wanted for you, and you married her.”
“How can you say that when—” I motion between us, trying to make sense of everything crowding my head. “And why didn’t you just call to me? I would’ve asked her to leave.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t get it. Never have, I suppose.”
I clench my jaw. “Get what?”
“That I don’t belong here. Never have, never will.” When he sits up and reaches for his shirt, my mouth feels dry, like I’ve swallowed gravel. “We’re always sneaking around. Even now, I parked in the secret spot so nobody sees me banging the boss.”
There’s nothing I can say to defend that, and as I watch him slide into his jeans, I feel a cold punch to my chest. “But you said—”
“You’re right. I agreed to this. It’s fun to hook up with you. Probably the best fuck I’ve ever had.” He shrugs. “So why not? I’ll likely leave at the end of the holiday season, or maybe hold out until the first signs of spring.”
Wetness stings my eyes because this feels too close to the surface, too real. Almost like a repeat of eleven years ago. “But what if I don’t want you to?”
“You don’t get to tell me what to do. I don’t belong to you. No matter how much I used to want to.” He grips the door handle. “But that was just a childish fantasy.”
“It was my fantasy too,” I call after him as the door shuts, leaving me feeling cold and alone.
Fucking hell, I wish I’d never brought it up. It ruined an amazing night between us, and not just because of the mind-blowing sex. Earlier at the bar, it felt like a new beginning.
I stand on shaky legs and begin pacing the room. I tell myself the topic had to be brought up. There are unresolved things between us, and that was one of them. But it’s like Porter put me in my place, reminded me who we are to each other—and it isn’t long-lost lovers. It’s boss and employee, who happen to be former childhood crushes wanting to scratch an itch as adults.