Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 147891 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 739(@200wpm)___ 592(@250wpm)___ 493(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147891 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 739(@200wpm)___ 592(@250wpm)___ 493(@300wpm)
She holds my eyes until a tear skids down her cheek. Angrily, she swipes it away with the back of her arm, gives me her back, and walks out of the room. I close my eyes and sink into the chair after the door slams.
Chapter 35
WILLOW
The hotel lobby has doubled in bodies and noise since we arrived. I’ve only been to New Orleans once before, and that was for a bachelorette party for one of Lou Ann’s clients. I hardly knew the bride-to-be, and I remember only going because all I could think about was drinking. I admit, since having Caz around, I haven’t felt the urge to drown myself in liquor. He’s been my new addiction—the feel of his arms wrapped around me, hot kisses on my skin, and his presence completing me.
But I suppose that’s what happens when you become addicted to something…eventually you’ll have to kick the habit to the curb...or perhaps you develop a new addiction.
When Caz and I first arrived, there were only a few squatters lingering around the bar. Now, there are dozens of people in groups, clinking glasses after making toasts, or men cursing at the sports game on TV.
I scan the bar, complete with a dozen wooden stools, and spot an empty one toward the end. I push through the rowdy crowd until I finally reach the empty seat. When I sit, I let out a loud sigh and focus on the lineup of liquor on the glass shelves. One of the two bartenders comes in my direction, a woman with pink hair. She’s petite, wearing a black camisole and leather jeans. Sleeves of tattoos embellish both her arms and even crawl up to her neck, and the neon red sign above glints off her septum piercing.
“You alone tonight, hun?” she asks, eyeing me as she dumps an empty glass of ice into the sink.
“Yes.”
“How much you plan on drinking?” She sets the glass upside down while I hesitate with my response. I can’t tell if she’s serious or not. When a slow smile spreads across her lips, I relax. “I’m kidding,” she laughs. “I don’t give a damn how much you drink. Just make sure you have a ride beforehand, ’kay? I’ve seen too many chicks come in here, get drunk, and not have a ride. Then I have to shoo the drunk guys off and make sure she gets home safely. Call it the angel in me.”
“Ah. Well, I should be okay,” I tell her. “I’m staying in this hotel. As long as I don’t fall and bust a knee or something, I’m good.”
“Say no more. What can I get you?”
I request a gin and tonic, and she nods, turning away to get to work. “Want a tab?” she asks once she’s concocted the drink.
“Please.” Because I’ll definitely need it tonight. I pick up the drink and take a long swig. The alcohol burns going down, bringing on that delicious heat I crave when I’m stressed. I release a slow sigh. Yeah, I’ll need about four more of these before going back to the room to face Caz.
I can’t believe Caz is so willing to give up—to give it all to Decius. I get he wants to protect his family, protect me, but what’s the use in us doing all this (running to Virginia to talk to Phil, coming to NOLA to find some mysterious woman, getting nearly attacked by a cobra and God knows what other vessels are on the way) if he’s just going to go back to Vakeeli and turn himself in to Decius? It makes no sense, and the thought of it makes me take a bigger swallow.
The bartender slides me another glass, and I look into her eyes. “Seems like you need it. Name’s Noni. Call for me if you need me, babe.”
I smile at her as she turns to assist someone else. The doors of the hotel swing open and more people file into the bar, meeting with friends, laughing, living their lives. It’s all so simple for them. Simple human beings doing simple, simple things. Eating hot wings and guzzling beer. Sipping colorful, blended drinks with silly smiles on their faces. I face forward again, sipping the remainder of my first drink.
I can’t help wondering why I’m so upset. It can’t just be about Caz and his willingness to turn himself over. No, it’s something deeper, and I stew in it, sipping several times until it dawns on me.
After Warren went missing and before meeting Caz, my life had no purpose. Sure, I worked with Lou Ann, and I hung out with Faye, but what was my purpose, really? All my life, I’ve felt like I don’t belong here, and after meeting Caz, I understand why.
Now that I’ve met him, my life has meaning again. There’s someone to share my time with, someone I’m unconditionally, irrevocably in love with, no matter how hard I try not to be. In my hands is someone who I’m willing to go to the ends of the earth—or any universe—for, and if I lose him, what will be left of me? There’s a possibility my brother is in Vakeeli, yes. But if Caz dies, how will I ever find Warren? Would I even want to, after all this? Or will I end up like Phil, trapped in a psychiatric detention center, thinking of all the what ifs?