Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 72895 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72895 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
“Jasper,” I begged.
His tone softened, and he let out a low sigh. “Ma, it’s time.”
Part of me knew he was right, but I was a fucking expert at shoving down the parts of me I didn’t want to think about, didn’t want to deal with. An archaeologist would have a field day with all the shit I’d buried deep. Then, my old, familiar friend, anger, took over, and I smacked both of my shaking hands on the table.
“Everyone. Out.” My gaze never left Jasper’s. He reached for the decanter in the middle of the table and poured half a glass of Velvet Fire.
Everyone stood, almost in unison, and filed out of the dining room with drinks in hand.
Only Jasper and I were left. He stood and rounded the long table to pour me another drink.
“More,” I told him, and he filled it to the top before he took his seat again, leaving a wide expanse of table between us.
“Well?”
“Goddammit, Jasper, it’s time to talk about this when I say it’s time. It’s my secret, mine, and I’ll tell it if and when I feel ready.”
“I understand that, Ma. I understand your reasons, and so will the others. Just give them a chance.”
“No.” I couldn’t tell them. For the first time in a long time, I felt fear. Real fear. Not since the first time Colm blackened my eye and busted my lip did I feel this kind of fear. My kids, they would look at me differently if they knew. I had to make Jasper understand.
“Your father knew. I knew. He didn’t just know what was happening, he let it happen because they forgave his debts, Jas. He fucking knew, and I knew too, and it ate me up for years that I was too fucking weak. Too powerless to do anything about it.”
I took a big gulp of whiskey and sighed as I slammed the glass down. “The moment I was strong and powerful enough, I did something about it.” I felt a little drunk, which made me overly emotional.
Jasper took his own drink, absorbing the information he was hearing for the first time. I didn’t want to tell him. As the oldest, Jasper had endured the abuse the longest, but I had to make him see how crucial it was to protect this secret. To protect me.
“Now you see why this can’t come out.”
“I know, Ma. I’ve known for a long damn time about all of it. Why do you think I’ve protected you over the years?” He took another swig, and his eyes grew glassy, took on a faraway look.
I tried to focus, but the goddamn booze messed with my head. Or maybe I was just in shock that Jasper knew. Had known for…how long?
“Remember Father Ramirez?”
I nodded. The baseball coach was one of the first priests I sent to meet his maker.
“I saw him handing Dad a thick envelope of money when he picked me up. Dad wouldn’t look at me. It was like he went out of his fucking way not to look at me. That’s when I realized that asshole knew what was happening. And he chose to ignore it.” Jasper took a drink from the tumbler and reached for a cigarette. “I heard him thank Father Johnson once, and that old fucker laughed and said, ‘No, thank you, Colm, and God bless you.’”
Jasper lit the cigarette and took a long drag, staring out into the garden. “God fucking bless you, he said. Can you believe it?”
My skin was cold to the touch. All the blood had fled to some other location as the clarity of just how long Jasper had carried this burden, this secret, hit me.
“Jasper.” His name came out in a whisper. Worse, it came out in a teary whisper.
He nodded with the same stoicism that had become his trademark. I now knew why.
“Like I said, Ma, I get why you did what you did, and I appreciate it. It was a long damn time before I could have done that without getting caught, and I’m grateful to you for doing it, but now we need to figure out what the fuck Beck has. Or thinks she has on you.”
“If all goes well, they can all just think she’s another cop with a grudge against the family.”
“And if all went well, we wouldn’t be in this position. Would we?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “I’ll talk to Ellison again, but in the meantime, we need to make sure we’re virgin clean on this shit, and that means we need to bring everyone in on this.”
“I’m not ready,” I admitted. “I will be, but right now, I’m not, Jasper.”
He gave a nod of understanding and took another drag off his cigarette. “Okay, not tonight, Sadie. But soon. We can’t put this off for much longer. You know Beck. She won’t have a problem approaching Cal or Virgil with her theories.”