Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 76541 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76541 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
“I missed you, too.” It comes out muffled with her face still pressed into my middle. When she squeezes me harder, I notice Amelia has joined us in the driveway.
I give her a polite smile because out of the string of women Nelson has dated since we divorced over a year ago, she’s actually the nicest of them. She seems to genuinely like Hope and makes an effort with her, although I’d prefer Nelson not have his girlfriends around as much. It’s confusing to Hope that he runs through them so quickly.
Just as I know it’s still confusing to her that she must live with her dad and only gets to see me on the weekend. Every time we’re together, it kills me when she begs to move in with me full time. It’s absolutely soul crushing when I have to tell her it’s not possible.
At her age, she doesn’t understand the politics of bitter divorces and she has no clue that money can indeed buy almost everything. It was certainly my lack of money that caused me to lose her. How can I explain to a child that justice can be bought?
“Nelson had to run some errands this morning,” Amelia offers, I guess in case I’m insanely curious as to where my ex-husband is.
I’m not. I’m actually relieved he’s not here as every time we see each other, it’s a confrontation. So instead, I brighten my smile. “No worries. Thanks for waiting with Hope.”
“Sure,” she says genially. There’s even a little bit of relief in her voice that I’m being nice to her. I bet Nelson has fed her full of a bunch of lies about what a miserable bitch I am, but whatever. She gives a playful tug on Hope’s ponytail. “Bye, Hope.”
“Bye,” she replies, not even bothering to look at her. She instead tips her head back, clearly over the moon to see her mother, and it overwhelms me with gratitude.
“Let’s go,” I murmur as I ruffle her hair and open the driver’s door. She hops in, scrambles over the console, and settles into her car seat in the back. She’s big enough to put the seat belt on herself.
“Why do you have a new car, Mommy?” she asks as she starts to buckle herself in.
I’m not about to tell her about my money woes, so I grin. “I liked this snazzy red color. Makes me feel sassy when I drive it.”
Hope giggles, accepting my reasoning.
When I see she’s securely fastened in, I sit in the driver’s seat and close the door. I glance at Hope in the rearview mirror as I put my own seat belt on and start the car. “What do you want to do today? The sky is the limit for you. We can go clothes shopping, or to a fancy lunch, or even bowling. Whatever you want today, we’re doing it.”
Hope’s face scrunches with concern. “But how?”
“How?” I ask as I twist in my seat so I can see her. “What do you mean?”
“Daddy says you’re poor, and you don’t have the money to take care of me,” she replies with all the innocence of a child who doesn’t understand those are bruising words to me.
Not that I’m poor or that my daughter knows it, but that her father would demean me to her that way. She doesn’t have to say it to me, but I bet her father has also made sure she realizes she can’t live with me because money is an issue. He’s already teaching her that he’s a better parent because he has money and I don’t.
Gritting my teeth, I try to keep my voice neutral. I refuse to talk badly about her father, no matter the provocation, but I also gently correct her incorrect perception as best I can. “That’s not quite true, honey. I don’t have as much money as Daddy, but I have the ability to take care of you.”
Hope tilts her head. “Then why don’t you? Why do I have to live with Daddy? I want to live with you.”
My chest constricts, and it feels like I might die as the pain in my heart is so awful. Blinking back tears, I give Hope as confident a smile as I can muster. “I know it’s hard to understand, but it’s not just up to me. If it were my choice, you would live with me every day for the rest of your life, any future husband you might acquire be damned. He’d have to get used to having his mother-in-law in residence.”
Hope’s expression turns confused, so I reach back and pat her on her leg. “I want you to live with me, and I’m going to work hard to make that happen, okay?”
She nods and grins. “Okay.”
“Until I can make that happen, I want you to know that I love you more than anything in this world and I will always be there for you, whether you’re at my house or Daddy’s house, okay?”