Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 132834 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 664(@200wpm)___ 531(@250wpm)___ 443(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132834 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 664(@200wpm)___ 531(@250wpm)___ 443(@300wpm)
I wasn’t feeling overly sympathetic for Lydia, especially after the terror and agony of learning Nicky was missing and the hours of waiting. Still, the idea of my perfect, proper mother-in-law in a jail cell wouldn’t process. I wasn’t sure she needed jail, but I did know she needed help. Either way, it was out of my hands.
I pushed the problem of Lydia aside. She’d already taken enough of my day, and I had more important things to think about. Already half asleep, Nicky stumbled through putting on his jammies and brushing his teeth. He handed Finn the book we’d been reading before bed, a chapter book about a mystery on a spaceship. Finn made it two paragraphs before Nicky’s eyes slid shut, and my sweet little baby started to drool onto his pillow.
Together, we stood, Finn setting the book on the nightstand, and tiptoed out the door. I turned to close it, as I always did, and then looked at Finn in apology.
“I’m going to leave his door open tonight. He seems fine, but he might have a nightmare. Today was—”
Finn nodded. “Leave it open.”
I stopped in the hall, not quite in the kitchen, and turned to face Finn. “I, um . . . Now that we’re alone, and, um, have some time, I, uh—” My words were tangled in my head. Why was this so hard? It shouldn’t be. I tried again. “We need to talk.”
Finn’s face went carefully blank, his feelings tucked away where they couldn’t make him vulnerable. Then the side of his mouth quirked up, and he looked to the stairs, raising one eyebrow.
I shook my head. “Not in the bedroom. I’ll get distracted if we go in the bedroom.” I wandered into the kitchen and picked up my own half-finished cocoa, staring into the cooling swirl of brown liquid, the whipped cream half-melted on top. I looked up to see Finn standing in the bright light of the kitchen, uncertainty a shadow beneath his deliberately blank expression.
The sparkling fire of the ring on my finger caught my eye. I was doing this all wrong. I’d accused him of screwing up his proposal, jumping the gun, and not thinking things through, but I was no better. More than anyone, Finn deserved my honesty. I owed both of us better than cowardice.
“I love you,” I blurted out, relieved at the way his blank expression melted into a cocky grin. “I’m sorry I haven’t said it before now. But I love you. So much.” I drew in a breath and pushed on, needing to tell him everything. “You fascinated me when we were kids.”
“Could have fooled me,” he said, raising an eyebrow.
“You fascinated me,” I repeated, “but repelled me at the same time.”
“Not sure how to take that.” Finn leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Oh, come on,” I said, shaking my head. “I was the housekeeper’s daughter. You were the bad boy of Sawyers Bend. I got good grades, didn’t break curfew, and stayed out of trouble. And you?”
“I was nothing but trouble,” Finn admitted.
“Exactly. I couldn’t afford to have anything to do with you. I could have gotten my mom fired.” I paused, remembering the wild and reckless teenage boy I’d had such a huge crush on, seeing the echoes of that boy in the man who stood before me. “But still, you fascinated me. Maybe a part of me always knew we’d end up here. I don’t know. But all these years have passed, and I never forgot you. When you came back, I thought I hated you.”
“I’m not the kid I was then,” Finn said, arms dropping to his sides, his shrug holding a hint of defensiveness.
“That’s not it,” I said, wishing I could find the right words. “You could be a jerk back then, but what teenager isn’t sometimes? You were a good kid dealing with a lot of tough problems. Your mother died, and your father was the king of assholes. Cut yourself a break.”
Finn shook his head. “Everyone else was dealing with the same shit, and I was the worst. By far.”
“You weren’t,” I said. “Everyone coped differently. Ford turned on Griffen. They were best friends, and Ford stole his fiancée and got him disinherited. Griffen ran away, abandoning all of you. Parker and Avery hid by trying to be perfect. Quinn disappeared into the woods, Brax into school and work, and Sterling into a bottle. You were all doing the best you could. And the point isn’t the kid you were back then. It’s the man you’ve made yourself into. And the man you are is one I love more than I thought I could love anyone except Nicky.”
I looked at the ring on my hand and twisted it so it caught the light, trying to figure out how to ask what I needed to know.