Series: Fever Falls Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 81272 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81272 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
We had already planned for me to stay at Rush’s, so when we arrived, I automatically climbed out of the car with them. There was a soft voice in my head telling me I should go home, that I should be alone, but I didn’t want to be. I wanted Rush. I needed him.
We went to the kitchen, where Rush grabbed a bottle of water. Jude excused himself to his room on the other side of the house. I followed behind a quiet Rush as we made our way to his bedroom.
Once there, I sat on the bed and began taking off my shoes. “Well, that was a surprise, right? Sorry we had to leave early. I wasn’t feeling the best.”
Rush didn’t answer as he sat on the gray lounge chair in the corner, untying his shoes with one hand and taking them off.
My brows pulled together as I watched him, a heavy curl to his spine. “Rush?”
He didn’t reply until he’d removed his second shoe. He looked over at me and asked, “Are you in love with Beau?”
“Excuse me, what?” sort of jumped out of my mouth.
“You heard me, Linc, and I think I deserve an honest answer. Are you in love with Beau? Or do you have feelings for him?”
Shoving off the bed, I snapped, “Really? I can’t believe you just asked me that! If anyone here has a best friend who’s in love with him, it’s Jude with you.”
Rush rolled his eyes as if I were a child. “Jude isn’t in love with me. He’s confused. And even if he were, the key difference is I’m not in love with him. I didn’t ask you how Beau feels about you. I’m not in a relationship with Beau. Quite frankly, I don’t care how he feels here. I care how you feel, and you still haven’t answered the question.”
A torrent of…fuck, I didn’t know what it was…not anger, but feeling shot through me. Feelings for Rush and feelings for Beau. They were different, never more so than in that moment—one friendship and one more, but there was fear there too. That connection I had with Beau tangled with every other emotion I had given voice to, my weaknesses and anxiety over my past.
“Fuck…you really can’t answer. I’ve always wondered. Everything is about Beau and everyone is compared to him, but I don’t think I really believed it until tonight. Until I saw the look in your eyes when Ash proposed to him.”
“What?” I stopped, and it wasn’t until I’d halted my movement that I realized I’d been pacing.
Rush’s voice had been hoarse, a broken quality to it I’d never heard from him. Oh God, I was going to lose him. He was going to walk away, and it would be my fault. Because I couldn’t tell him how I felt or what I’d been through. Because I couldn’t explain what Beau was to me, even though it wasn’t what Rush was thinking.
“I shouldn’t have pushed. We moved into this too fast. I…I need some air.” Rush headed toward the door, and it felt like that simple movement had vibrated through the floor and caused my chest to crack open. Like he was an earthquake moving through me.
“We didn’t whiskey throttle,” I said quickly. It was stupid, but it was what came out. I didn’t know what else to say. “We’re not gonna lose control. We’re steady. You’re one of the only steady things in my life.”
Rush sighed, kept his back to me. “I can’t be with you, Red. Not if you have feelings for Beau. I care too much.”
My body just sort of gave out, and I sat on the edge of the bed again. My eyes fell closed, and he waited, I knew without looking that he waited, but hadn’t turned to look at me again. My right knee began to bounce up and down. I’d never spoken about this. Not once, but I knew I needed to share it with Rush…I wanted to share it with him. He was the only person who had ever made me feel that way.
“You know I was mostly raised by my aunt. My parents couldn’t be bothered, so they left me with her. We weren’t close. She was very into her church. I think she could tell I was gay. I don’t think I hid it well, and some of the things she said to me, made me think she at least thought I was something other than straight. She never tried to get me to go to church with her, but I probably would have, just to be involved…to not feel alone.”
The bed dipped, and Rush’s warmth was there. I opened my eyes and looked over just as he put his good hand on my thigh in support. I wasn’t sure there was a better man in the world than Rush Alexander.