Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 78696 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 393(@200wpm)___ 315(@250wpm)___ 262(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78696 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 393(@200wpm)___ 315(@250wpm)___ 262(@300wpm)
Something I had to do twice a week for at least another month, according to my doctor.
As I drove, I tried not to think about the man with the blonde hair and haunting eyes.
Tried not to think about how big he was…or how well he fit inside me.
Tried not to think about what his voice did to my body, whether I wanted it to or not.
I walked into the cancer center, smiling at the first woman I saw upon entrance.
“Did you have a bad night, Lenore?” Jaylen asked, frowning slightly at me.
I shrugged. “It wasn’t bad, why?”
I knew why.
I had dark circles underneath my eyes from being woken up in the middle of the night by a man who I still wasn’t completely sure was real, despite evidence to the contrary.
“You know, those sleeping pills the doctor prescribed you really aren’t going to hurt you,” Jaylen admonished.
I nodded. “I know. I just don’t want to take them unless I absolutely have to.”
And I didn’t.
I was already taking all these other medications. I didn’t want to pump more into my body if I didn’t have to.
“You took your stomach meds at least, didn’t you?” She looked at me sternly.
I nodded and held up my hand in the universal ‘Spock Sign.’
“Vulcan’s honor.”
She laughed. “You know where to go.”
I did.
Unfortunately.
Not many twenty-five-year old’s grace these doors, and I hated that I was one of them.
I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, not even my worst enemy, Jenna Wickes.
Not that Jenna Wickes was that bad…okay, I was lying.
She was that bad.
She hated me.
She loved to call me the ‘fat little ginger’ with ‘ugly amounts of freckles.’
She never missed a chance to comment on my ‘fire crotch.’
Which, I guess in all technicality, it was the color of fire…but that didn’t mean she needed to call me that in public.
Nor had she seen my crotch.
She also loved to make me look stupid.
For instance, in high school, I’d finally gathered enough courage to ask my best friend, Remy, to prom.
I wasn’t in love with Remy.
I was more in love with the idea of Remy.
He had a great home life.
He would be a great provider and father figure.
He would be able to give me everything I’d need out of life…but neither one of us were in love with each other.
We’d made a pact when we were thirteen that if either one of us didn’t have prom dates, we’d go together. And we’d also made another pact that if either one of us weren’t married by the age of thirty-two, we’d get married.
Remy was my best friend.
And Jenna Wickes knew he was…and hated me for it.
Which was what it all boiled down to.
She hated how I had Remy’s devoted attention, and had hated it for over twenty years now.
When I’d finally gotten up the courage to ask Remy to go to prom with me, he’d smiled at me funny.
I’m sorry, Lennie Lou. I’m already going with Jenna Wickes, he’d said.
That’d been the beginning of hell for us.
He’d gone to prom with Jenna, and then had later married her.
I’d had to attend my best friend’s wedding as he married the one woman I hated more than life, and he hadn’t even realized it.
I’d been made the godmother of his kids.
I’d been to every Christmas party, birthday party, Easter party, Fourth of July celebration.
You name it, I went to it.
And Jenna made sure to torment me the entire time.
She hated that her husband refused to give me up.
Hated that her kids loved me more than her.
Hated that Remy took me out duck hunting with him instead of her. Fishing when it wasn’t duck hunting season.
But Remy didn’t know that I had something wrong with me and I was scared as hell to tell him.
Because it’d been Remy and me since kindergarten.
He was my very best friend in the whole entire world…and I didn’t want to leave him here by himself.
So I was trying to fight this by myself.
Which sometimes turned out to be way harder than it would be if I’d just told him.
Because I knew he’d be here with me if I did.
I just didn’t want him to see me like this.
Didn’t want him to know that there was a possibility I’d be leaving this place.
“You ready, Lenore?” Misty asked.
I smiled at her as I continued walking to the door where I would be getting that rotten shit poured into my veins.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I said in false cheer.
She smiled at me.
“So what do you have to read today?” She asked.
I pulled out my Kindle and showed her the hunky guy on the front cover of my next read titled: Highlanders Gone Wild.
She laughed.
“Is it complete porn, or does it have a story to it this time?” She asked.
I grinned. “My porn always has a story to it. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”
She snorted and pointed to a seat that was in the very back corner.
She’d purposefully saved that one for me, and I was grateful.
I hated to be the middle of attention.
Which meant I didn’t sit in the middle of the room whether it was during chemo, in a restaurant, or at a movie theater. Regardless of whether they were the best seats or not.
I’d sacrifice comfort for privacy any day of the week.
Misty started to get all the bells and whistles going on my treatment, and I sat down to let it happen.
She poked, prodded, positioned and prayed with me before we started.
It was something she did with all of her patients, and I found myself appreciative.
I couldn’t find it in me to pray for myself.
I prayed for all the others in the room, but it seemed kind of selfish to pray for myself when the other women and men in the room were more deserving of life than I was.
I didn’t have kids at home.
I didn’t have a family that depended on my income.
I wouldn’t leave anyone behind that would be as affected as the others in chemo treatment with me.
Sure, my parents and siblings would be devastated.