Total pages in book: 137
Estimated words: 126547 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 633(@200wpm)___ 506(@250wpm)___ 422(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126547 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 633(@200wpm)___ 506(@250wpm)___ 422(@300wpm)
“Maybe we should do what we did last time? To get it under control?” Adam said, trying not to choke on words too much, but it was near impossible when the perspective of parting from Emil forever was almost upon him. Because once they were out of Dybukowo, there would be no more playing house. He’d be back to living at a large parsonage, every day wondering if Emil wasn’t growing tired of the secrecy of their relationship. The pain of it struck Adam like an arrow and pierced his chest, making him bleed life itself.
For a while, Emil stared at him in silence. “As in have sex? Just last night, you refused. You don’t want to have sex with me, but now you’re asking for it, because you think it will appease the demon inside you? I’d do it for you, because… I’d do anything for you, but I don’t like what you’re saying one bit.”
Adam studied the somber expression on Emil’s beautiful face, his strong brows, which had lowered in displeasure because of him. Emil was only partially correct. Adam had avoided doing more than kissing and touching, because of the way it ended last time. But there was also an illogical, sinister voice at the back of his mind that told him what they did was somehow less sinful than penetration. It made no sense from a theological standpoint, but he kept tricking himself into thinking that way, otherwise he couldn’t share anything with Emil.
Did it even matter anymore?
“You think I don’t want you?”
Emil gave a deep sigh. “You’ve made that pretty clear last night. Are you sure you’re not cold?” he asked, moving his gaze to Adam’s chest, his lips pressing together
Adam swallowed hard, bracing himself as if he were about to crash through a glass wall, and met Emil’s gaze. “I do want you. Since we met, I hardly ever think about anything else but you. I’m afraid of what might happen, but maybe having those boundaries made it also easier to excuse what I’m doing.”
Emil wrapped his arms around Adam’s shoulders. “What do you want to do, then? I’d hate for our sex to be something you do against yourself. I want you but not like this. Not for the wrong reasons.”
“There are no wrong reasons.” Adam said, already longing for a kiss to take away his fears. “I’m afraid of taking that step because I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I want to have you inside me, whether it chases the devil away or not. I always wanted it,” he said, at once knowing just how true it was.
Emil delved in for a kiss quicker than Adam could have anticipated, but everything inside of him lit up with liquid fire as soon as their lips met. Nothing had ever felt so right. He was naked in a forest, with his hands cut, wearing only a blanket, yet fear had no place in his heart. Not in a moment so perfect. When Emil was by his side, kissing him like this, sliding his cool fingers against Adam’s burning skin, even the dirtiest of deeds were pure.
Adam let go of the blanket, and allowed it to drop into the leaves. He buried his face in his lover’s neck, and pushed against the firm body, which felt more inviting than a warm hearth on a winter night. Emil’s skin was the softest, most pleasant surface Adam had ever touched, and in a moment of madness he wished he could wear it as his coat.
“Show me how it’s done,” Adam whispered, hugging Emil more tightly as embarrassment curled in his stomach.
“H-here? You sure? You’re burning up.” But his hands already roamed over Adam’s back even as he looked around in search of villagers who might have strayed from the path to forage for mushrooms. But he didn’t stop, and Adam hoped he never would.
Adam had needed months to make up his mind about this, but now that he said yes out loud, he couldn’t have been more certain of his choice. It was as if he’d suddenly gotten tunnel vision, and Emil’s naked body over his was Adam’s only goal.
“Maybe it’s the demon, maybe he tainted me but I don’t care. Please. I just want you. Now,” Adam whispered, climbing to his toes to grind his cock against Emil’s. Heat burned at the base of his spine, sending hot streams to his limbs, cock, to his head, until he could barely think.
Emil nodded and bent down to spread the blanket over the cool undergrowth. The thick wool lining was a godsend when they sat on it. “You’re not ‘tainted’. You’re perfect.” His kiss made Adam let out a soft moan he couldn’t hold in.
Sinking into the soft plush that created a barrier between his bare skin and the ground, he reached for Emil and pulled him down too, meeting eyes almost as green as the leaves in the hidden gorge. The demon’s presence was a constant thought at the back of his mind, but he wanted to forget it. He wanted to escape its horror and open up to the best thing that ever happened to him.