Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 55667 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 278(@200wpm)___ 223(@250wpm)___ 186(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55667 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 278(@200wpm)___ 223(@250wpm)___ 186(@300wpm)
Sidney coughs.
Mom thrusts her hand out like this is some kind of sports circle where they all put their hand in the middle and do the whole “we’re going to kick some ass” thing. Buck clearly thinks this is what’s happening because his hand shoots out too.
But before his giant of a mitt covers hers, I spot the massive rock decorating her finger. I slap Buck’s hand away and grab my mom’s wrist. In the process I knock over my chair and my grape soda, which, by some miracle, Buck catches before it makes a mess.
“Oh my God! That’s an engagement ring! You got engaged? You’re getting married? Fuck! I should have put money on this! I knew something big was going down!” I shout.
I release my mom’s hand and trip over the leg of the chair as I try to round the table. I go sprawling across the patio, scraping both of my palms and my right knee and my glasses go flying.
Buck, being the ridiculously agile and not-clumsy soon-to-be-stepbrother that he is, picks me up and sets me on my feet, then hands me my glasses.
“Thanks. I wish my feet were better at their job.”
Sidney, being the smart, thoughtful guy he is, quickly stands and pulls my mom’s chair out for her so she doesn’t suffer the same fate. We both step to the edge of the table, throw our hands in the air, and scream obnoxiously loud.
“You’re getting hitched!” I shout.
“I am!” she shouts back.
We rush each other, our boobs slamming together, causing us to grunt in discomfort, but we wrap our arms around each other and hug and jump up and down until we step on each other’s feet. Then we just sway back and forth.
“You’re okay with this?” Mom whispers.
“More than okay.” I squeeze her tight.
It’s been the two of us for a damn long time. We’re ready to add some testosterone to the estrogen fest.
Buck and Sid are standing side by side, wearing matching smiles. Buck looks like maybe he’s on the edge of getting emotional. Dude is a huge freaking fuzzy yeti-bear.
Mom gives him a questioning smile and opens her arms. He takes the invitation and folds her in a hug. “Pretty damn excited that you’re gonna be my mom.” He opens his arms. “Family hug!”
Sid and I join, and I end up with my face mashed into Buck’s sweaty armpit for a second before we shuffle around and it turns into more of a huddle.
It’s awkward and silly and exactly what I always wanted for us.
EPILOGUE
THE BIG DAY
Skye
Nine months later
“You look amazing, mom.” Violet pulls a tissue from between her boobs and dabs under her eyes, then tucks it back in her bra.
I take her hands in mine and squeeze. “So do you. God, I’m nervous. I feel like this dress is a little on the flashy side.” Because it’s my first time down the aisle, Sidney wanted our special day to be a lavish affair. Even my dressing room is like something straight out of a fairytale. Except for my dress. It’s probably more appropriate for Vegas, but it’s too late to turn back now.
“It’s perfect. Your boobs look great, and Sidney’s going to lose his mind when he sees you. What do you need? How can I help?”
“Just a hug would be great right about now. You look stunning. All grown up.” I pull her in for a boob smashing hug then step back. “Are you wearing heels?”
“Yeah. But I have flip-flops for the reception. I practiced walking in the hallway, so I’m reasonably confident that I’ll make it down the aisle without falling flat on my face.” She holds up her crossed fingers. Her clutch dangles from her wrist. “Oh! I have something for you. It’s your something new. It’s kind of inappropriate and also kind of hilarious. I’ll completely understand if you don’t want to wear it, or if you want to keep it as memento or never to show it to anyone else. Totally up to you.” She pulls a small velvet drawstring bag out of her purse and thrusts it at me.
I open the delicate bag and fish out the item. It’s a garter. But it’s not the usual lace and satin business. It’s definitely a Violet design. My daughter might be a math nerd, but she’s a wizard with a sewing machine. “Oh my God, where did you find penis fabric?”
“At the fabric store. Surprisingly, it was on clearance. Like I said, you don’t have to wear it. Maybe Sid will want to hang it from his rearview mirror. Or not.”
“You’re my favorite person in the entire world. I’m not tossing this during the reception. I’m keeping it forever.” I hug it to my chest.
My mother knocks on the door and pokes her head inside. “Oh sweetheart, you look so beautiful. You too, Vi. Everyone ready? It’s almost showtime!” She claps. “Is it okay if your dad comes in?”