Total pages in book: 37
Estimated words: 34527 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 173(@200wpm)___ 138(@250wpm)___ 115(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 34527 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 173(@200wpm)___ 138(@250wpm)___ 115(@300wpm)
I pause for a moment, thinking. For some reason, filthy images don’t come to mind. Not that I don’t love a good, bed-shaking round of sex. But my fantasies involve more days like this. Of holidays with a toasty fire and a decorated tree. Exchanging presents and laughing together. A partner that looks at me as if I’ve hung the moon, and the feeling of safety and contentment that comes with pure happiness.
Those are my fantasies. After being kidnapped by aliens, enduring slavery, and now settling on a farm on a remote planet with only myself to depend upon? I fantasize about a happy ever after, all right, but it looks different than it did once upon a time.
I pull back from Sinath, studying his face. “My fantasies are of forever. Of having a devoted partner who loves me and I love them back. Of having a life shared with someone. Maybe kids. Maybe not.” I bite my lip. “I’m sorry if that’s not as exciting as it should be.”
He shakes his head. “It’s all the more exciting because it’s real. You want a connection. A life partner. I want that, too.”
“Do you? Before we jump into bed together, maybe we should establish where we want this thing to go.” I run a hand down the front of his uniform. “Just so we know what to expect from each other.”
It’s weird, but I’m feeling so happy and carefree in this moment that it worries me. I want to make sure what I’m feeling is real. I’m soaring right now, and I don’t want to crash back to the ground and realize I’ve been wrong about him all along.
Perhaps Sinath senses my anxiousness. He cups my chin, then strokes his thumb over my lower lip. “This leads wherever you want it to. If you simply want a bed partner, I’ll be your bed partner. If you get tired of my jokes, I’ll leave you be.” He gives me a wry look. “I don’t want you worrying about me. You already have me.”
“We barely know each other.”
“True. But when a mesakkah makes up his mind about a female, there’s no changing it.” He leans in and gives me another light kiss, full of promise. “I know where I’m at, but I’m happy to wait until you’re in the same spot. Take your time.”
“All right.” I’m relieved. All of the anxious pressure and overthinking disappears in a flash. We’ll enjoy ourselves and not stress over the future. I can deal with that. “That sounds wonderful.”
He kisses me once more, this time his lips lingering. I want to follow the brush of his mouth. I want to nip his full lower lip and watch his response. I want so many things right now, and my fantasies are finally taking a distinctly erotic turn. “Well, Devin, when can I see you again?”
That stops me in my tracks. I pull back, regarding him. “Wait. You’re leaving? Right now?”
When things were just getting sexy?
Sinath gives me a confused stare. “Do…you not want me to?”
“I kinda thought we’d have sex.”
A smile of understanding dawns across his face. “I would love to have sex.”
Really? “Then why are you leaving, Sinath?”
“Because I don’t want to demand anything from you. As I said, I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes.”
Oh no. He’s not leaving now. After touching each other under the blankets at Liesje’s house, he’s started a fire that won’t go out quickly. I trace a hand down the front of his uniform, and then reach for the auto-fastener at his collar. “Sex and relationships are two different things, Sinath. You know that. We can have fun without it being a commitment. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
He strokes my cheek. “Can we still have fun if it’s a commitment for one of us?”
Wow. “You mean you?”
Sinath nods. “I told you already. I know what I want with you. I want everything. So if you want to wait until it means as much to you as it does to me, then we will wait.”
When he strokes my cheek again, I bite the tip of his thumb. “What if it’s enjoyment and commitment for both of us but only forever for one? Because I like you. I want you. I don’t want to see anyone else but you. But right now, it’s too soon for me to promise forever.”
He grins. “I’m fine with enjoyment.”
I exhale with relief. “Thank goodness.” I fling myself at him, kissing him once more. I love that Sinath is tall, but that he’d be short for a mesakkah. It makes him just the right height for me. I love that he doesn’t take himself seriously. I love that he showed up with a tree and pushed all my doubts away. I love that he’s just as patient and kind with me as everyone else, despite his weird sense of humor.