Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 102781 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 514(@200wpm)___ 411(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102781 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 514(@200wpm)___ 411(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)
Lucas laughed. “Yeah, that’s Tommy.”
Oh, we definitely needed to have that talk. “I’m guessing Tommy’s experience with girls is pretty much zilch. So why don’t we have that talk next week. I wanted to talk to you about your mom today.”
“What about her?”
I suddenly felt lightheaded. How did I tell this kid I adored that I’d ruined his life? My mouth went dry.
“You know that your mom and I were best friends, right?”
“Yeah. Even though that’s weird. Who wants to be best friends with a girl when you’re a kid?”
I wilted a smile. There wasn’t an easy way to confess to this kid. I’d rather a giant wave wash over the rock I was sitting on and take me out to sea than finish this conversation. But I looked over at Lucas waiting.
Like a coward, I looked down. “You know your mom died in a car accident.”
“Yeah.” He shook his head. “I don’t remember it, though, really. Just a lot of people kept coming to our house.”
I nodded. “Yeah. A lot of people really loved your mom.”
When I got quiet again, he asked, “Is that what you wanted to tell me?”
I looked up and found Lucas’s eyes so full of innocence and trust—trust he’d had in me for eleven years, trust I was about to shatter.
“No, buddy. I need to tell you something about the accident.”
He waited.
There was no putting the cork back in the bottle after this. I took one last deep breath.
“I should have told you this a long time ago. But you were too young, or I was too afraid to tell you, or maybe both.” I looked away, then back at Lucas to deliver the blow. “I was the one driving the car the night of the accident. Your mom and I, we’d just had a big argument and… It had rained a lot. A big tree needed to be cut back and was partially covering a stop sign. I didn’t see it until we were almost on top of it. I hit the brakes, but the ground was wet…”
The expression on Lucas’s face changed immediately. It seemed to take forever for him to swallow what I’d said, to allow it to fully register. But when it finally did, he stood.
“Is that why you spend all this time with me?” His voice was full of hurt, and the more he spoke, the louder he became. “You feel guilty for killing my mother? That’s why you come visit me every other week and pay off my grandmother?”
“No. That’s not it at all.”
“You’re a liar!”
“Lucas…”
“Just leave me alone!” He took off running down the jetty.
I called after him a few times, but when he stopped down the path to pick up rocks and hurl them into the water, I thought it might be better to give him some headspace. He didn’t usually get upset talking about his mother, but what I’d told him was a lot to absorb and probably opened a lot of old wounds, along with creating new ones.
Lucas didn’t speak to me for the rest of the afternoon. But he also didn’t ask me to take him home early. So I didn’t. Instead, I stopped at the store and picked up a cheap rod and some tackle and took him to a lake to fish. If I asked something, he growled a one-word answer. I found a certain amount of comfort in knowing that even when he was upset and angry, he still didn’t completely ignore me.
As we got close to his house, I knew he wouldn’t leave me any time to talk to him once we arrived. He’d hop out the minute I stopped and slam the door behind him. Hell, I would’ve done the same at his age. Which is why I eased up on the gas and said my piece during the last five minutes of the drive.
“I understand you’re upset with me. And I’m not looking for you to talk to me right now. But I need you to know that none of the time I’ve spent with you was borne out of guilt. Do I feel guilty about what happened and wish it had been different? Every damn day of my life. But that’s not why I come visit you. I come visit you because I loved your mother like she was my sister.” I started to get choked up, and my voice broke. “And I love you with all of my heart. You can hate me if you want for what happened. I deserve that. But there’s nothing more honest in my life than what I’ve got with you, Lucas.”
We pulled up in front of his house, and I turned my head to try to hide wiping my tears. Lucas looked over at me, stared into my eyes for the longest time, and then turned and got out of my car without a word.