Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 58003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
“Yeah.” Relaxed now, Shawn realised he was exhausted. Wiped out by whatever weird reaction he’d had earlier. “I should probably go. Otherwise I’m gonna fall asleep here.”
But he didn’t move, and nor did Jude.
“You don’t have to. In fact I’d rather you stayed so I can keep an eye on you.”
“What, in case I have another funny turn?” Shawn tried to make it sound like a joke, but his cheeks heated. He was embarrassed at how he’d freaked out earlier. “I’m fine now. I don’t need a babysitter.” He wriggled out of Jude’s embrace to lie on his side next to him where he could see his face. “I don’t know what happened before, but I’m okay.”
“It’s a thing that sometimes happens. I read about it online. Something to do with your endorphins crashing back down.”
“What, after sex?” Shawn frowned.
“Well, yeah… but especially after the sort of thing we did. Bondage, BDSM, whatever you want to call it. It’s more intense than regular sex sometimes.”
Shawn didn’t know what to say to that. He could hardly deny it. Jude had blown his mind tonight. Intense seemed woefully inadequate to describe how he’d felt, how he’d lost himself in the act of… submitting to Jude. “I suppose. But you still don’t need to look after me. I’m fine now.”
Jude’s face did something complicated. “Maybe I want to look after you.”
His voice came out gruff. He reached out tentatively and cupped Shawn’s cheek, and Shawn’s heart surged. Of all the ways that Jude had touched him, nothing had gone right to his core the way that simple caress did. “Stay for a while longer.”
“Okay,” Shawn said simply.
Jude smiled and then moved closer and pressed a soft kiss to Shawn’s lips. It wasn’t a sexual kiss; it was achingly sweet and made Shawn long for things he couldn’t articulate, even to himself. He closed his eyes as Jude put his arms around him again, wrapping one arm over Jude’s torso, and snuggled close. It was weird being cuddled by someone so big and strong, but it was definitely good-weird.
As Shawn let himself drift into sleep, his last conscious thought was that he could get used to this.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Jude’s thoughts whirled while Shawn slept.
He kept replaying what had happened. It had been the most erotic experience of his life, and it was weird to think that it had been shared by a myriad of faceless strangers. During the show his focus had all been on Shawn. He’d barely been thinking about the people watching. Shawn had been all that mattered.
At the end he’d fucked up, though. What had he been thinking leaving Shawn tied up and naked? Talking to the webcam instead of checking in on him and making sure he was okay? Shawn might have had a weird reaction after the scene anyway, but Jude blamed himself for being slow to realise what was going on. Not that he was an expert in such things, but he’d read enough online to know that sub drop was a thing, and that as the dominant one in their “relationship”—for want of a better word—he should have planned things better in terms of aftercare. He wouldn’t make that mistake again.
If I haven’t scared him off and he wants to do anything like that again.
Jude sighed, breathing in the scent of Shawn’s hair. Hope and uncertainty were an ache in his chest. Fooling around with Shawn on camera was supposed to be fun, uncomplicated, no-strings sex to help boost his income, while letting Shawn work out whatever he was trying to work out about himself. But now, with Shawn in his bed and all these feelings he could no longer deny, Jude realised he’d got himself into a situation he hadn’t anticipated, and he was yearning for things that seemed impossible.
Jude had to admit that he really liked Shawn. After spending time together and doing the things they’d done, he more than liked him. If this was straightforward—no pun intended—and Shawn was out of the closet and ready to date a guy, then Jude would ask him out. Ask him if he wanted a relationship, something exclusive. Because Jude thought it could work if Shawn wanted it too. They got on well, and they were clearly sexually compatible. The chemistry between them was off the charts, and Jude knew Shawn felt that too; there was no way he could be faking his reactions.
But he’s not out.
And there was the problem. Because although Shawn had admitted he was bi to Jude, Jude was pretty sure nobody else in Shawn’s life had a clue. And given how threatened Shawn had been when Jez had so much as hinted at something between them the other day, it was safe to assume that Shawn wasn’t ready to come skipping out of the closet to be Jude’s boyfriend.