Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 58003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
If this was just about sex and experimentation, it would be easier if he didn’t like Jude. He’d only gone into this to work out his attraction to guys. It wasn’t supposed to have turned into anything. But as he and Jude had got closer, they’d become friends, and it was hard to separate the sex from the rest of it.
When it was on camera, there had been a distance between them, some of the time, at least. Shawn had caught glimpses of what Jude would be like as a lover rather than a showman. But last night had stripped away all pretence. Everything they’d done together last night had been because they wanted it. Because they wanted each other. And for Shawn, that went beyond sex. Falling asleep with Jude’s arms around him had felt so terrifyingly right.
What did that mean for him? Experimenting with his bisexuality was one thing. Hooking up with guys, having some casual sex while he was young and carefree. But when it came down to it, Shawn had still supposed he’d end up with a woman. Sure, guys could marry guys in this country now—and that was great. For all his bitching about PDAs with Jez and Mac, he was happy they’d have that option if they wanted it one day. But that was never something Shawn had imagined for himself. When he thought about his future, it was always with a woman, and kids who were conceived without the help of a surrogate.
Now Jude had turned all those assumptions on their head.
Not that Shawn wanted to marry him. That was more than a little premature. But the way he felt about him? He knew it could turn into something serious if Jude felt the same way, and if Shawn was brave enough to try, and what did that mean for his future? If he wanted to be in a relationship with Jude, he couldn’t hide it, like he’d tried to do that morning. He felt a spike of shame at the memory. Jude was out and proud. He wouldn’t want to be dragged back into the closet by Shawn, no matter how much they liked each other and how hot the sex was.
Ugh.
Shawn shoved bottles of shampoo onto the shelf too hard and some of the ones at the back fell over. He muttered a curse and got side-eyed by a bloke a little farther down the aisle.
“Sorry,” he said.
“Bad day?” The man grinned sympathetically.
“Yeah. Not the best.”
“Hope it improves, mate.”
“Cheers. Me too.”
But it didn’t.
By the time Shawn got home, he hadn’t come any closer to working out what he wanted to say to Jude. He had no clue what Jude wanted from him anyway. Maybe Jude would want to keep it casual. That might be for the best, even though Shawn wasn’t sure how easy that would be after last night.
He should have been starving after a long day at work. He’d had a sandwich at lunchtime, but that was all. When he got home, he went straight to the kitchen out of habit, but his gut felt uneasy with nerves and tension. He couldn’t be bothered to cook anyway, but he ought to eat something, so he made a couple of slices of toast and jam and took them up to his room. He ate them while he changed out of his work clothes and into his usual sweats and hoodie.
Once he’d eaten, Shawn thought he’d better wait for Jude to come to him. He tried to play a game on his laptop for a while, but he couldn’t focus on it, too keyed up and nervous about the conversation they needed to have. So he decided to man up and go and see whether Jude was in his room.
He tapped lightly on Jude’s door; his heart pounded as he waited.
“Come in,” Jude called. “Oh, it’s you. I was thinking about coming to find you.” He gave Shawn a smile, but it was a shadow of his normal grin. Jude looked as anxious as Shawn felt.
“Hi.” Shawn shut the door behind him.
Jude sprawled on his bed, sitting up against the pillows with textbooks and notes spread around him. Shawn took the desk chair and tried not to think about the last time he’d sat in it—but it was impossible. A sense memory gripped him, of Jude’s fingers inside him while he strained against the chair. His body flushed hot and longing swept through him. It was more than just arousal. Jude got him. He’d known what Shawn needed, and he’d taken care of him. Nobody had ever made Shawn feel like that before.
“So, um. How was your day?” he asked, fidgeting with the cuff of his hoodie.
“Come on, Shawn. Let’s skip the small talk and cut to the chase,” Jude said with a half-hearted smile. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to waste time talking about our days when we need to talk about what happened last night.”