Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 77692 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77692 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
How is that possible?
Never mind, reasonable.
It isn’t, and yet, it is.
“Well?” Zarah presses me when the elevator jumps to a stop and the doors slide open with the same hiss of releasing air as every other door on this ship. “When did you see him?”
Instantly, the memory of finding Halun bare-chested and wielding two long poles as weapons while he trained with a group of young Hallan guards floods my mind. His laughter was what I’d heard first heading down a hallway that I like to walk before heading to bed, but I soon found him, and the other Hallans, in the middle of the dining hall where they had pushed tables to the far walls to make room in the middle for their makeshift ring.
Initially, he didn’t notice me there. As if I needed more time stuck in my thoughts and with a visual to go with it about Halun.
I lingered just beyond the doors of the dining hall where I could watch him take on one Hallan, and then two, at a time. Eventually, a third even joined in on the fight to make their prince meet the floor. Not that it made much of a difference. And he never did find his way to the floor of the dining hall, either.
Halun did finally lay eyes on me, long after he’d been left weaponless but still undefeated, and looking as if he’d just walked out of my latest wet dream. I didn’t stick around long enough to deal with the aftermath of my spying, not considering I was nowhere near ready to deal with the smoldering look he leveled on me as I turned to leave. True to his word about not imposing himself on me, Halun didn’t chase after me when I took off, thankfully.
I’m not entirely sure how he spent his night, but the unsatisfied state I found myself in as I tried to sleep, and not think of him, isn’t something I wish to revisit now.
“He might have been training and I might have stayed to watch a bit,” I say.
Zarah grins. “Might?”
I roll my eyes. “I did.”
“Hmm.”
Before she can poke and prod a nerve, one I didn’t even know was raw until right now, I turn the topic around on Zarah.
Or so I think.
“When was the last time you saw Halun?” I ask as we come to a stop just outside the dining hall. From here, it looks as if the tables have been put back in place along with the many cushions the humans and Hallans on the ship use as seats to make themselves more comfortable while sharing their meals.
Next to me, Zarah quiets as she considers my question. “A while, honestly.”
“Really?”
“Yes, quite a while. I don’t mind, of course, I’m sure he’s very busy.”
“Not so busy that he can’t stop and check on you once in a while,” I return, trying to keep my tone tampered down.
I’m not sure what I’m really angry about all of the sudden. Whether it’s Halun’s need to stay away from me that, apparently, is also keeping him from Zarah, or if it’s something else entirely. Maybe, that loneliness inside of me that just seems to keep on growing.
Like a bad fucking weed.
“I’ll see to it that he makes some time to come see you and have a chat,” I tell Zarah before turning to the Hallan guard just a few steps behind us. “Can you make sure she gets something to eat, and take her to the common room for the supplies to paint?”
I’m sure at that point, Zarah will be ready to return to her room, and the Hallan will have no trouble helping her find her way back there.
“I can and will,” the young guard replies.
Good.
Now, for what I really want to know.
“And my mate,” I say. “Where is he?”
“Don’t go bothering Halun about me,” Zarah says from behind me.
“I’m not going to bother him, really … just, talk.”
Maybe.
Mostly.
I’m not entirely sure what I want or plan to say, but I assume I’ll have that figured out by the time I get to Halun. If not, well, maybe it’s time I let another part of me do the talking. Because externally, I may have seemed fine to go day in and day out without as much as a word from Halun, but inside …
Oh, there, I’ve been screaming.
I do miss him.
It’s an ache I can’t keep pretending isn’t there deep in the pit of my stomach. I yearn for any piece or part of him so much so that, like the evening before, I find myself trying to seek him out in whatever duties he’s handling aboard the ship. I just haven’t figured out how to tell him as much.
So, instead, I stew silently inside it all. My mess and these feelings. Thinking, thinking, and thinking entirely too much about him. His face and his smiles and smirks. How he stares at me and my body feels it. Even his scowl. His conversation and very presence. How there is a Halun-shaped hole in my chest and bed is beyond me, but I can’t deny that it’s true, and I have no one to blame for that but myself.