Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 77692 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77692 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
At least with him quiet, I can think.
I’m just not sure I’m thinking about the right things.
Halun makes that more difficult for me when the memories of our love-making is still fresh in my mind, regardless of my own lies earlier.
“There are ways to prevent these things, as well,” he starts to say.
I shake my head. “Not wanting to have a child right now is only one issue.”
And not even the main one.
I don’t for one second believe that Halun is stupid. He doesn’t need me to—once again—spell out how his consistency in refusing to give me a choice in my own life and future is what continues to create this rift between us. No matter how well we join or how good it feels to be close to him, how we ended up like this at all is still present and very much alive in the back of my mind. I don’t know where to start to let it go.
Or if I even want to.
The silence continues to grow between us until it’s all I can hear and everything else feels a little numb. Even me.
The scene beyond the port window of the sleeping bunk becomes my main focus instead of the somber Hallan still lurking at the end of the entry hall. A star-speckled universe of endless black pools that extends beyond what I can see is an easier sight to digest than the heavy sigh that echoes from Halun.
I know this hurts him.
It should.
But I know because it hurts me, too.
I’m not even sure how much time passes before Halun finally breaks that silence between us, but it’s long enough that I don’t expect his sudden, resigned words. They jerk me back to the present, and out of the zoned out place that I call my mind.
“Okay, Zawla.”
Tearing my gaze away from the window, I find him approaching me, leaving the safety of his enclave behind. His head isn’t even lifted to see the hand I put up to once again tell him to stay away and give me space, but it doesn’t matter. Halun doesn’t come close enough for me to actually touch him to physically push him away before he drops to his knees in front of me.
Head still bowed, lower than his slumped, broad shoulders, he releases another one of those heavy, hard breaths. Like he’s letting something go but I don’t know what it is. Something out of his hands, but is it now in mine?
“Okay,” he repeats quieter.
“Okay, what?”
While I didn’t think it was possible, his shoulders somehow droop more when he answers. “We have reached a wall, you and I. One you built, and I’m not going to try to climb it, Luna. I don’t think that’s what you want me to do, anyway.”
I don’t say he’s right.
Frankly, he doesn’t need me to.
“I’m not sure now that I have the right words or even the memories to show you why there was no other choice for me except to take you. That being apart from you once I found you was a non-possibility. I couldn’t even go there in my mind.”
“So, then, these are the consequences for that choice, Halun.”
His head bobs with a nod. “I understand. I’ll apologize a thousand times—”
“And a thousand more, but it still won’t be enough.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispers.
I believe he is.
Yet, it changes absolutely nothing.
“Will you look at me?” I ask instead of saying something else I might regret.
Instantly, Halun lifts his head. “Of course. I’ll do whatever you want even if some of my actions have made you feel differently. I will do what you want me to, Luna. As it should be—as it will be, from here on out.”
My brows pinch together at what he implies.
“Don’t be confused,” Halun murmurs, seeing the question on my face before I even have the chance to ask it. “There are still two things that remain unchanged for us.”
“What things?”
“For one, you are my mate. The one I’ve waited a lifetime for whether or not you wish to share a lifetime with me. We will always be bonded in this way, and maybe you don’t realize it, but being my mate makes you very important to an entire planet of Hallans who will immediately see you as their future queen. There is an empty seat beside mine where you will soon fill. Please, consider these things when we are not behind the privacy of a closed door.”
This is the first time Halun has ever mentioned such a thing, and the way he paints the picture for me is not necessarily how I would expect him to lay it out. But there it is, so frankly placed before me for consideration, and I instantly understand why.
This is not my choice.
Another thing this fate has decided. Like the invisible wall he says I’ve built as a consequence of his choice, the very fact that I am his mate puts me in a position that is already waiting for me. I’m barely able to manage my feelings about the mate thing. I’m nowhere near ready to touch the royal side of these problems ahead of us.