Total pages in book: 159
Estimated words: 151304 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 757(@200wpm)___ 605(@250wpm)___ 504(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 151304 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 757(@200wpm)___ 605(@250wpm)___ 504(@300wpm)
My heart twinged, but at least I was frank. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Vik barked out a laugh. “She doesn’t know.”
“I was scared, Vik” was my feeble response.
He looked offended. “You were scared? Of me?”
That was about all I could take. I snapped, “Well, your reaction hasn’t exactly been positive.”
“What did you expect?” he boomed. “I had to find out you were pregnant from the asshole who had my head in his mouth. Same guy who burned down a house, turning a fucking priest into Korean barbecue. So sue me if I don’t like the thought of the psycho who stole you away from me knowing you were pregnant before I did. How many other people know, Nas? Did you happen to tell the postman? I’d hate for him to feel left out.”
Firstly, I hadn’t told anyone. Even Anika had found out from a source other than myself. But… Oh no. This wasn’t going well.
I let out an almost desperate, “Can you stop yelling at me a minute so I can explain?”
Vik looked to be biting his tongue, quite literally, when he took in a deep breath, exhaled slowly, then shot me a hard nod.
Okay. All right.
Now what?
I suppose in instances like these, honesty was always the best policy. So, I spoke nothing but the truth.
Tired, weary, and with a deep sadness settling over my heart, I rolled my eyes and uttered a bitter sounding, “We hate-fucked a baby into the world, and you can’t understand why I didn’t tell you?” I ran a hand down my face, shaking my head lightly, admitting, “I regret how it happened, but I don’t regret the outcome, Vik. I want this baby, and I know you’re pissed at me, but I’m glad it’s yours.” When his face softened a touch, I revealed, “There was never any other. It was always you. If I had babies, they were going to be yours. I knew it from the time we were kids. And if…” Oh God. “If…” My throat tightened. “If you told me you didn’t want this baby…” I croaked, “It would kill me.” My lips trembled. “I would just die. And that was a real possibility. So, I put it off.”
Vik watched me closely, and I lowered my gaze, because it exposed too much.
I blinked away tears. “I am so sorry for not telling you. I really am. But I’m not completely at fault here. I mean, you got distant. You pulled away from me.” It stung to admit it. “I thought you were cheating. I was convinced you were stepping out on me, and can you blame me? All the hallmarks were there.” He attempted to mute his expression, but I still managed to see the shame that lie there. “I found out you’d been lying to me for almost a year. I was hurt and confused. And then, boom. I’m pregnant.”
Vik took a single step toward me.
I licked my lips and kept talking. “So, there I am, scared and overwhelmed, and all I want to do is tell you, but then you show up at my house, and you’re so excited about getting into college. And all I can think about is—” Shit. I was going to cry. “—how this baby screws up your plans.” A single tear escaped me and trailed my jaw. “How I am screwing up your plans.” I swiped at my cheek and sniffled. “And I love you so damn much that I decided your happiness should come first for once, because you’re a good man, you know?”
He advanced another step.
But I was too lost in my rant, and no matter how it broke my heart, I revealed it all. “You deserve to do something that makes you happy, even if we don’t fit into your plans. And yes, I’d be miserable, but as long as I had your baby, as long as I had a part of you, I could deal.”
The tears were trailing freely now, but I had no room in me to care. “You…” I struggled to find the words but suddenly remembered what he had told me once. “You deserve to take your time.” I relayed his words back to him, albeit shakily, “To enjoy the scenic route.”
Three more steps and he was standing right in front of me. I tilted my head up to look at him with sheer misery.
Vik lifted his hand and gently wiped away my tears with his knuckle. “And us?”
My heart stuttered. “What about us?”
The question came out starkly. “Do you want me?”
I could barely breathe. “Of course I want you. Why would you even ask me that?”
“Because I’m skeptical” was his stoic response.
Well, that did it. That lit a fire under my ass.
My brow furrowed. My sadness suddenly forgotten.
The sass was strong. “Oh, that is bullshit. I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” My voice rose. “I want you here so much that when you leave, I feel so sad, so empty, that I mourn you.” And then I was almost yelling. “I have loved you for more than half of my existence. I have been yours for a lifetime, even when I fought it. The fact that you would be skeptical of that makes me so goddamn angry. I want you, Vik. I want you by my side, forever and always. That was the plan. Forever and always.” Jesus. I had to scoff. “If I had the choice, I wouldn’t let you leave!”