Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 117820 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 589(@200wpm)___ 471(@250wpm)___ 393(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117820 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 589(@200wpm)___ 471(@250wpm)___ 393(@300wpm)
“What is there to bite though? Heard you’re smaller than my pinky.”
“We both know that ain’t true.”
“Could’a been a candy bar in your pocket,” I retort, referring to the trailer. “Didn’t feel all that big to me.”
“You felt many cocks to know what’s big and what’s not?” The way he says the word cock has me wanting to see it even more. This started out as a bravado and a bluff but now I think I’m being serious.
What am I doing?
I turn away from him. “Fuck off, Kane. Go back to your party and your girlfriend.”
“Jealous?” he asks, sounding arrogant and snide.
God, I hate him.
“I could not give a crap,” I reply and walk towards my boat that hasn’t drifted too far. Grabbing the rope, I tug it gently back. “Go away.”
“What are you doing out here, Immy?” he asks, his tone serious now, unlike before.
“Killing myself.” I step into the wobbly vessel and almost fall but after a few seconds I find the courage to move and sit on a narrow plank. I push away from the dock but he steps on the rope I discarded, stopping me from floating away.
“Don’t say stupid shit like that,” he snaps, thick, perfect brows pulled together. He pushes a hand through his hair and grips it atop his head. “It’s not funny.”
I untie the rope from the boat and smile genuinely. “I’m not joking.”
“Sure you are,” he utters, watching me drift further away. “You wouldn’t be that much of an idiot.”
“Okay.” I watch as the lake gets wider around me. My heart isn’t beating anywhere near as fast as it was when I was half naked for the first time in front of a boy. But not just any boy, the boy I hate the most. “You don’t care though, right? So just walk away. When they find my body in a few days, they’ll say it was an accident because I can’t swim.”
He walks to the edge of the dock and glowers at me. “You’re not funny.”
“Not tryna be.”
“Come back here or I’m going to get your brother.”
“Why? You hate me right?” I question, teeth chattering again, eyes swimming with tears again, I don’t remember when they stopped for them to restart. “I’m ugly, stupid, disgusting, desperate, hated, just like my momma, unloved. Isn’t that alllll the shit you’ve told me through the years?”
“So what, you’re gonna kill yourself because of shit I say?” He looks perplexed, like he doesn’t know how to handle the situation and sadly, I’m so fucked up inside that I love it. I love that he’s watching me do this. I love that he’s doubting me. I love that he’ll see my last moments knowing he didn’t take me seriously. I want it to hurt him, I want him to feel it.
The power of knowing my decision tonight will haunt him forever only drives my resolve.
“Absolutely.” I reach for the oars, unsure on how to hook them on. “Go on, run along and tell people. By the time you get back it’ll be too late.”
“Imogen, come here,” he orders and the tone of his voice has me wanting to row back, just so I can punch him in his dick.
I manage to rig the oars to the rusted metal resting things, and then I start to row… badly. I turn in almost a full circle and feel a spike of rage when Kane laughs. He still doesn’t believe me and that only makes me want to do it even more. That’s how messed up I am. That’s how tangled I am inside.
When I feel I’m far enough out and the sparkling black water is glittering beneath me, I pull the oars in and touch the water with my hand. It’s freezing but I hardly feel it. I start to wonder if there are predators in here. Will I get bitten before I drown? Will I drown or will I miraculously learn to swim?
I look at the party in the distance and the dwindling fire. Everybody is leaving, it must be late.
“I’m not kidding,” he calls.
“Neither am I.” I stand up, hips aching as I try to keep balance.
“IMMY!” Kane barks, sounding panicked now. That’s unusual. Thought he didn’t care.
“Yes, Kane?”
“I’m leaving. You can throw your little temper tantrum by yourself.”
“Okay,” I reply. “See ya.”
I pinch my nose and ready myself. I can do this. Drowning isn’t painful I don’t think. It might make me panic but inevitably it’ll bring me peace. I hope so anyway. I’ve read about it. I’ve read about all kinds of different ways to die. I find it far more fascinating than I should.
I sway a little, lift one foot over the side of the boat as Kane walks away and my drunken state does the rest. My entire body hits the water and the cold immediately assaults my senses. My eyes sting, my mouth fills with salty fluid and I automatically grasp at the surface. My fingers splay as my feet kick and my entire body aches. I’ve never been in water like this before. It’s hard to move and the fact I’m drunk isn’t helping me at all. My body is heavy and the further I sink, the more I panic and the heavier I feel.