Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 91560 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91560 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
“Can I tell you something?” I ask as she slides the sandwich my way. Sinking my teeth into it is maybe the best thing I’ve done all day besides finding her card. It’s the simplest thing in the world, but she made it with love. It might as well be a gourmet meal.
She nods, murmuring her encouragement. “I really need to find a way to get out of my house and away from my dad,” I confess. “He’s trying to make me marry some business partner of his.”
“What?” Her mouth falls open so suddenly, turkey almost falls out before she catches herself. I’m so glad I told her, because her reaction tells me I’m not totally wrong for being repulsed by the idea.
“There’s so much about him I’ve never told you or anybody,” I continue. Now that I’ve started, it’s like I’ve opened a floodgate. Everything wants to come rushing out. I’m afraid I’ll overwhelm her, but I can’t help it. “He pretends to be loving. He doesn’t really care about me. Only what I can do for him. He took me to dinner last night for my birthday, but really, it was to introduce me to this guy. It’s gross. He’s Dad’s age. And when I told Dad I can’t marry him, obviously, it was like he didn’t hear me at all.”
With a sigh, I add, “It’s not the first time he’s done something like that, either.”
She looks sick, sliding the sandwich aside. “That is disgusting. I’m so sorry. And I’m so sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me this sooner—I, like, trauma dumped on you for so long.”
“I’m kind of practiced at holding things inside.”
“It must’ve been so gross and shocking when that man showed up.” She shivers, her nose wrinkling.
“The worst thing is, it’s not even all that shocking compared to what he’s done in the past.” It’s hard to swallow with this lump in my throat. A few sips of my smoothie help keep me from choking. “I found out when I turned sixteen that he was trying to sell my virginity at a sex club. He was talking about it over the phone, making arrangements. Then he announced he was taking me to the gynecologist. That was when I knew for sure.”
I can’t believe I blurted it out like that. The horror on her face—bulging eyes, wide open mouth, pale skin—sort of makes me regret telling her. She couldn’t possibly have guessed or prepared herself.
“I don’t know what to say,” she murmurs, shaking her head while her chin trembles like she’s about to cry. “What did you do? Did he go through with it?”
I love how she doesn’t ask a bunch of questions about how I can be sure or whether I misunderstood the situation. She trusts me enough to know I wouldn’t tell her unless it was true. “I lost my virginity on purpose, so he couldn’t go through with it.”
“Oh.” Her eyes bulge even wider. “Well, I guess that’s one way to do it. He must’ve been pretty pissed.”
“Extremely. But that’s not the whole story, either. God, there is so much I’ve been hiding for so long.” All she does is take another bite of her sandwich, waiting for me to continue. I feel safe. I have space. For once, nobody’s trying to force me into anything. “This guy. I knew he liked me. I mean, I sort of liked him, too, so it’s not like I had to make myself do something I didn’t want to. But…”
I’m ashamed of myself when I look back and remember how hopeful he looked when he tried to get me to go out with him after that night, when we had sex during the party. He was almost a different person then, sweet and sort of vulnerable. Not as hard or cruel as he is now. “He didn’t understand I had sex with him for a reason, and I didn’t know how to explain it. I sort of shut down afterward. I do that a lot,” I admit.
Looking down at my sandwich, I draw a deep breath and release it slowly. “It was Tucker.”
“I thought… I mean, after what happened at the party…” He searches my face while his face falls. Disappointment leaks into his eyes, darkening them, turning his mouth down at the corners. “I thought we could go out. Why is that so wrong?”
Because I only had sex with you to keep my dad from selling my virginity to a stranger. Yeah, I could totally get away with that. He would totally believe me.
“What happened, happened.” Why can’t he leave me alone? “It was nice, and it was fun, and I’m grateful to you for being so great about it. Some guys wouldn’t.” I might have been a virgin until just recently, but I’ve heard stories.