Total pages in book: 112
Estimated words: 106312 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 532(@200wpm)___ 425(@250wpm)___ 354(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106312 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 532(@200wpm)___ 425(@250wpm)___ 354(@300wpm)
“Your client will put a hit on you if you don’t finish the job. You understand that, right? Is he worth it?” Craig effectively summarizes the situation I’m in without further digging. I’m nodding my head, realizing the gravity of my decision.
I only got one gun back from Eli. I’ll be leaving everything else behind. I wanted all of my father’s guns, but I only have two choices. Put a bullet in Eli’s head or flee with only a fragment of my father and all the new memories of Eli.
I have to leave. I refuse to run the risk of telling Eli about the hit and have him turn on me. I’d rather leave, wondering if what we have between us was ever real, than having him laugh in my face for falling for this orchestrated hoax.
I’ll walk on my own terms instead of giving anyone else that power.
Only I can protect myself, and if I foolishly choose to protect him in the only way I know how, then so be it.
“Yes,” I reply. “I understand,” I admit defeat. I never thought I’d be so weak for a man. Especially one as unhinged as Eli. But it makes me all the more foolish to realize I’ve fallen for a man who probably still has every intention of discarding me.
“Okay then. You know the contingency plan. I’ll take care of the rest. But Jewel, are you sure about this? It’ll ruin everything you’ve built.”
I let out a shaky breath in disbelief that I’ve been careless enough to let myself get caught up in this. I look at the ring on my finger. I don’t have a right to it. As much as I love it and the fact that his mother gave it to me, I have no right to this ring or claim to the man.
I fell for our lie, and I can’t leave anything else to chance.
I’ll leave alone, slipping into the shadows I was so used to before.
At least there, I was safe from these emotions.
I try not to cry as I think about my mother’s disgusted face as she realized I was different and then turned her back on us. She had the same expression of contempt at my father’s funeral when she learned it was Craig who took me in.
My father always said it’d just be us. And then he left, too.
A tear slides down my cheek as, one more time, I try to steel myself to say goodbye.
No one can love me, but it’s okay if I love them…
Just this once.
Only once more.
But I’m not brave enough to face the reality if Eli decides to walk away from me, too, so I’ll walk away from him first, even when it will cost me my reputation, career, and safety.
I agree with all of this, and I pray silently that all of this pain just goes away.
With years of feeling no emotion, I don’t know how to handle its might.
I close my eyes and clear my throat, pushing it all back down.
I just have to keep moving forward.
I feel the lid seal back over those emotions.
“I understand. I’ll leave tonight,” I promise.
CHAPTER 50
Jewel
Hawke and Ford drop me off, as usual. Today was a blur. I feel numb, but I know without a doubt what I have to do. I make sure I do everything to keep my shit together. I have tonight. I can embrace what might have been for one last time.
When I step into the apartment, Eli is fussing in the kitchen, shirtless. I lean against the doorframe, admiring his muscles flexing beneath his tattoos as he cooks. He’s been home early most days since I moved in. I know because I used to track his schedule. But now he makes sure only to conduct work while I’m at work or asleep.
When he notices me, I shut down every emotion and do all I can to keep myself together. Because what’s more challenging than killing this man is realizing I love him, only to have to run away from him.
He tilts my head up and leans down to kiss me. I savor it, wanting to break apart at the touch. Will this be the last time he’ll look at me like this? Like I’m the only one in his world? I’m deluded if I think that’s the truth. But I let myself believe the lie so I can tell myself a prettier story. So I don’t feel so stupid for everything I’m about to throw away for this man. But even though I know that I won’t change my decision.
“Hungry?” he asks. I nod with a tight smile. He returns my smile and then goes back to what he was doing. I place the handbag he bought me a few days ago on the counter and then go into the bedroom to change into one of his shirts—something he’s insisted on since I moved in.