Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 65346 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 327(@200wpm)___ 261(@250wpm)___ 218(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65346 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 327(@200wpm)___ 261(@250wpm)___ 218(@300wpm)
“One second,” he said. “It’s been a while. I know I screenshotted it… Here.”
He handed me the phone. It was a screenshot of a text conversation, my name at the top of the window. It started with me saying how excited I was and how happy Benji made me. I remembered typing that out, after a particularly explosive night. I’d been floating on cloud nine all day, smiling even though I was in charge of cleaning dung off the floor that day.
I kept reading, my smile quickly fading. Underneath Benji’s reply to my text with a bunch of smiley faces and stars, there was another text. It said it was from me, but I didn’t recognize it. Not one word of it.
“Benjamin, we can’t ever speak about what we’ve done, and we can’t ever do it again. You were a mistake, and now that it’s out of my system, it’s done. Never again.”
I read the words out loud, mostly to myself, none of it making sense.
“I never… what the hell? Benjamin? Since when do I ever call you Benjamin?”
“I dunno, I thought that was just you trying to be formal.” He arched a brow, his arms crossed against his chest. “But calling me a mistake? I think I’d take my full name over that.”
“No, no, this isn’t—”
“Why? Everything was going so well. I… we… You were my first time, Rex. I fell hard for you.”
Another explosive reveal. “First? I was your first? But you said—”
“Yeah, I lied. I wanted to impress you.”
I set the phone down on the counter, pointing at it. “Benj, I never wrote that. Not a single word of that text came from me. I would never have sent that. I would never have even thought that.”
He cocked his head. I could tell he searched for the truth, the way his gaze bounced across my face. There was nothing to hide, no twitches to give me away.
It was the truth. “I didn’t send that text.”
“I mean, I didn’t photoshop it if that’s what you’re saying.”
“Of course that’s not what I’m saying. I don’t know what happened. Maybe someone in Costa Rica stole my phone, sent that text without me knowing. But I swear, Benji. On everything I’ve got. It wasn’t me.”
He bit his lip. Chewed it pink. “Really?”
“I swear. That wasn’t me.” I rubbed the back of my head, shocked at how this night began to unfold. “So all this time, six fucking years, all because of that?” I wanted to shout and laugh and cry, all at once.
“But then…”
“Who sent it?”
He nodded, shooting a worried glance at the phone. Did he trust me? How else could I prove it to him?
“I’ll figure that out,” I said. “I want to know as bad as you do. I can’t fucking believe it. Six years. I moved out of the state, thinking I’d be better off. Instead, I climbed deeper in the closet and ended up with an involuntary sex tape hanging over my head.” The room felt colder, even though the heater was blasting a wave of warm air in our direction.
“Meanwhile, I was wishing I just up and left to New York, thinking that I’d bump into you on the subway or at a coffee shop. I daydreamed about that pretty much twenty-four seven, after the initial anger over that text wore off.” His lips curled into a smile. “No matter what, I really couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
“Fuck,” I said again, but this time my smile matched Benji’s. “‘Benjamin.’ Who even calls you that?”
“No one. Absolutely no one, except maybe at the DMV.”
A laugh from the both of us seemed to warm the room up again, anxiety and questions drifting away, leaving only me and Benji, standing a few feet apart, so close I could practically feel his body heat on me.
Or was that my own? Rising up like a thermostat left under a blazing sun.
Benji looked at me, his smile slanting back down. “I’m sorry,” he said, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I shouldn’t have blown up on you. If I just talked with you about it, we could have figured it out.”
“No, don’t do that.” Without thinking, I put a finger under his chin and brought his eyes back up to mine. “We can’t live in the ‘what-ifs’ like that. Shit happened, it was unfortunate, but it’s history now. We have to take it, learn from it, and create an even brighter future from it. Who knows, maybe if we had stayed together, things would have somehow turned out a thousand times worse. Maybe we needed those six years apart so we could appreciate every single second that comes after.”
My hand, at some point, moved from his chin to the back of his neck. I rubbed soft circles with my thumb.
Benji didn’t answer me, not with words at least. Instead, he pushed upward, his hands falling on my chest, and, in one breathless motion, he kissed me.