Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 73663 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73663 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
“Okay.”
We don’t talk. I stare at the tests, my knee jostling, until my phone alarm beeps. I jump into the air, letting out a soft yelp.
“You got this,” Nicole says, walking with me to the first test.
I peer down, and a little positive symbol stares back at me.
“Oh,” I say, and I don’t know why I’m surprised, but I am anyway. I check the next test, and the next one, and they’re all finished already.
“Congratulations,” Nicole says, pulling me into her arms. I feel numb and wooden.
“I’m pregnant.”
“You are definitely pregnant.”
“I’m going to have a baby.”
“Yes, you are.”
“I should feel happy, right?” I pull back, staring into her eyes. Tears roll down my cheeks. “Why do I just feel so scared?”
“Oh, honey.” She holds me in her arms and I hug her back.
Chapter 29
Renzo
Something changes.
I don’t know what it is at first. Maddie seems distant, a little quieter than usual. She’s not sleeping that well, but these things happen. She’s still adjusting to her new life.
We have less sex.
Which isn’t necessarily bad—we’ve been having a lot of sex—but I’m insatiable for her. I want her all the damn time, but sometimes she’s too busy, or she’s distracted by work, or she’s just not in the mood to get finger-fucked in the back seat of the town car.
Fine, I can respect boundaries.
But something changes, and I don’t like it.
She’s quieter. Not as affectionate. She still spends time with my mother but it’s like she’s pulling away from me. I don’t know what the hell I did, and it takes me a few days before I finally broach the subject.
“You’re being weird.” I stand at the end of the bed, my arms crossed over my chest, fresh from a shower. Maddie’s sitting in the reading nook with a book in her hands.
She looks over, frowning. “Sorry?”
“You’re being weird.”
“I didn’t know reading was so strange to you.”
“No, not the reading. Everything else.”
“I’m not being weird.” She turns back to the book.
“See?” I point at her. “That’s what I’m talking about. You’re blowing me off.”
“No, I’m not. I’m just at a good part and I want to keep reading.”
I grind my jaw. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m not the kind of man that wants to talk about his fucking feelings, but here I am, trying to confront something that’s bothering me, and she’s blowing me off.
And I’m letting her.
I walk closer, my expression hard. “Tell me the truth. What’s going on? You’ve been weird and I want to know why.”
“I’m fine.” She closes the book, looking exasperated. “Are you sure it’s not just you?”
“We’re having less sex.”
She laughs, shaking her head. “We still do it every night.”
“But not as much. Don’t try to pretend like I’m making stuff up. What’s that shit called again? Gas lanterns?”
“Gaslighting. I’m not gaslighting you.”
“Then tell me why you’re weird.”
“I just haven’t been feeling well, okay? Can we just leave it at that?”
I was about to press, but there’s something in her expression that makes me pause. I think back to her sister and look around the room. She’s come so far. Maybe it was inevitable that she’d have a little regression.
“I don’t want you to hide again.”
“I’m not. See? I’m sitting right here.”
I want to argue, but fuck, fine, if she wants to pretend like everything’s okay then I’ll let her. I walk off, frustrated beyond reason, and go to check on my mother.
I can’t shake this feeling. Another few days pass and it’s like Maddie’s retreating into herself in small ways. Not all at once, but slowly, she’s pulling back from me. I try to hold onto her, but I can’t force her to want this as badly as I do.
Besides, this marriage isn’t real. Maybe I deluded myself into thinking we had something worth nurturing. I never dreamed our relationship could click like this, but my days with her are always better. I laugh more, smile more. I feel lighter, less stressed. I still have a whole host of shit I have to deal with, but Maddie makes all that a little bit better.
Now the weight’s coming back as Maddie retreats, and I don’t know what the fuck is going on.
I feel pathetic when I talk to Saul about it. “You sure, bro? She could just be dealing with shit at work.”
“We work in the same office,” I say, rubbing my temple.
“Right. Good point. I don’t know, did you ask her?”
“Yes, I asked her.”
“And she said it’s all good?”
“She brushed me off.”
“Then don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine. Just wait it out.”
Which is classic Saul relationship advice and completely useless.
I’m tempted to talk to Stefania about it next, but I can’t bring myself to call up my little sister and bitch about my marriage. That’s a line I’m unwilling to cross.
It nags at me. Things are wrong in subtle ways. Maddie doesn’t completely disappear—she’s still in my bed, we’re still having sex more often than not—but there’s a force field between us. Like a pressure I can’t see, but I can feel it pushing back against me.