Total pages in book: 51
Estimated words: 48783 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 244(@200wpm)___ 195(@250wpm)___ 163(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 48783 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 244(@200wpm)___ 195(@250wpm)___ 163(@300wpm)
“No,” MF protested, “I’ll go. The last time you asked Pet to scout, she found a mushroom patch and had a one-fairy orgy.”
“Fair point.” It had taken them two hours to find her, and when they did, it was a sight that no living—or dead—creature should see. “Who knew sex fairies had so much capacity in their orifices.”
“I once fucked a donkey,” Pet said proudly. “In the butt.”
“You had sex with it, or the other way around?” MF asked, her face contorting with disgust.
“Both,” Pet replied.
“Ew!” MF brushed Pet off her shoulder. “Did you just leave a wet mark on me?”
“Sorry. I got all excited thinking about Señor Donkey-Ho-Tee.” Pet fluttered ahead, landing on Gorgonzolina’s back to ride her like a horse.
“This is exactly why I wish to travel alone rather than with you degenerates,” Damien grumbled. “This is a serious mission. Not some camp jamboree for perverts and idiots.”
“Watch who you call an idiot,” MF protested. “And I’ll point out that I can out-sew you any day of the week. Blindfolded. Also, I wouldn’t have forgotten the water back at the last camp.” MF fanned her face. “And before you offer again, Bonbon, no, I don’t want to drink your demon urine.”
“Who goes there!” barked a loud female voice.
Damien stopped in his tracks, his eyes scanning the surrounding jungle. He saw no one. “Everyone, please allow me to do the talking,” he whispered.
“I want to see Brutus!” Pet called out. “I hear he is sexy, and I would like to tickle his balls!”
“Pet! I told you not to speak.” Damien inhaled slowly. “No one is here to tickle anyone’s balls. We’ve come to speak to Brutus!”
“Is that a sex fairy?” asked another female voice.
“Ohmygod. I think it is,” answered another.
“What is your name?” one of them called out.
“I am Damien Greystone. I am Brutus’s tailor, and I—”
“No, we meant the fairy,” said one of the females.
Pet fluttered toward the voices, disappearing into the thick jungle. “Hi! I’m Petra! Oh. Aren’t you large sexy women? Can I have a lick?”
Giggles broke out.
“She’s adorable,” said one woman.
MF and Damien exchanged glances. MF shrugged.
“Please, if I may?” Damien called out. “We were sent by Cimil to speak to Brutus. It is very urgent.”
A tall topless woman with dark dreads down to her ankles stepped out of the foliage, wearing only a suede sarong. “Brutus is unavailable.”
“Uh, when will he be available?” Damien asked. “We’ve traveled a long way to see him.”
A blonde stepped out. “It is mating time. Our leader is ovulating. So it could take up to five minutes.” The two burst out laughing. “Men. So eager with their lovemaking. Like little rabbits. It’s no wonder we spend so much on batteries.”
I like these women. They sound like sluts, said the beast. Let me out to enjoy them.
Damien pushed back with his mind, feeling his brother growing restless.
“Come,” said the first woman, “you may wait for Brutus outside the daycare.”
“Daycare?” Damien asked.
MF looked at Damien, her dark brows scrunched together as they watched several burly Uchben warriors systematically handing off babies to extremely tall, fierce-looking women.
It seemed that the men were feeding, changing, and assisting with the napping, and then handing the little ones back to the mothers.
“This is very strange,” Damien muttered.
“Damien?” Brutus appeared in his custom camo pants and a black T-shirt, bouncing a baby with dark hair on his hip.
“Brutus, it is good to see you.” Damien shook Brutus’s free hand. “But what is all this?”
“Ah, you mean the daddy daycare? My mate, Fina, is the leader of this all-female tribe. Of course, after I met her, she got pregnant almost immediately, as did her one hundred sisters, whom I also impregnated. Long story.”
“I like it here!” Pet said.
Brutus continued, “Obviously, one hundred baby boys are a lot of work, so I called in my Uchben brothers to assist. We run the daycare. The women take care of hunting and security.”
“I really like it here.” Pet flew in a tiny celebratory circle.
“So, what can I do for you, tailor?” Brutus asked. “You’re a long way from home.”
Damien had known this man for years, yet Brutus had just spoken more words in one minute than in all that time. “Cimil sent me. I am here to find a vampire who lives nearby.”
Brutus blinked. “You mean Maxton, that old killjoy who lives up there?” He pointed to a waterfall high up on the mountain overlooking the village.
“The vampire lives there?” Damien asked.
“Yes. But if you’ve come all this way to see him, you’re out of luck.” Brutus chuckled.
“Why?” Damien asked.
“Maxton sees no one. And if anyone sees him, it’s the last thing they see.”
“What does that mean?” MF asked. “I’m MF, by the way.”
Brutus nodded. “As in Motherfucker?”
“What about the vampire?” Damien prodded impatiently. The clock was ticking. They’d already burned up one day flying and three days hiking here. That left three days to get the vampire back to Cimil.