Vampire in the Jungle Read Online Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

Categories Genre: Fantasy/Sci-fi, Funny, Paranormal, Vampires Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 51
Estimated words: 48783 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 244(@200wpm)___ 195(@250wpm)___ 163(@300wpm)
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“You cannot do this.”

“Can. Have. Done. And now you must leave. You’re disturbing my purpling. My man, Roberto, will be home soon, and this is his kinky surprise.” She leaned forward, whispering, “He loves the corpse look. See you back here in one week. You’d best get that fine tailored ass of yours on a plane to Brazil.”

“Brazil?”

“Hellooo? Remember? The last living vampire?” Cimil scooped a bunch of jelly in her hands and smeared it on her face. “He was last spotted hiding in the rainforest. You must find him and convince the hermit-ified vampire to come out of hiding. Bring him here to me. We have a lot of work to do, restarting the entire vampire race.”

A few years ago, most of the supernatural life on the planet had been wiped out in the Great Explosion. Any creatures that were once human, such as vampires, became human again. The other creatures simply died, though a handful survived for unknown reasons. In any case, the event prompted the gods to retire shortly after. With so few supernatural creatures left alive, it seemed like the perfect time to pursue other interests and allow humans to fend for themselves. Now Cimil was secretly breaking her retirement and meddling everywhere, including this next mission to have Damien find the last living vampire.

“Cimil,” Damien said, “you once told me he wants nothing to do with the modern world. Why would I, a man who completely sympathizes, disturb him? Clearly he wishes to be alone.”

Cimil narrowed her eyes. “Because I told you to. Now shoo! Shoo with your shoes. You have one week.”

One week? Fucking goddess. Damien turned to leave and then stopped. “Cimil, there will be a day when this relationship of ours comes to an end. I will not do your evil bidding forever.” The question was, how could he get out from under her thumb?

“We shall see, tailor. We shall see.”

He headed for the door, fuming. The godsdamned goddess was taking things too far. He could never choose between Willa and Sky. Yet that was to be his reward for a successful mission? Let one live. Let one die again.

He had to find a way out of this.

Almost to the door, he stopped and turned. “The rainforest is a vast place. Where do I start looking for this vampire?”

“Pay Brutus a visit. He can help.”

Brutus? The deadly immortal soldier who once served in the gods’ army? This was going to be a joy.

CHAPTER TWO

“No, Pet. Out.” Damien plucked the tiny lavender fairy from the front pocket of his backpack and set her on the bed, where he was organizing his gear.

“And I already told you; where you go, I go. It’s not safe for me here.”

Damien narrowed his eyes at Pet. “In this house, there is nothing to fear except you annoying me.”

“Someone’s in a cranky mood.” Pet stuck out her tongue. “And that’s not true; there are bad, bad people out there who want to capture me.”

“No one knows you’re here.” Damien looked down.

No Pet.

“Pet?” He opened the front pocket of the backpack.

Empty.

“Pet, I will find you eventually. There are only so many places a pipsqueak can hide in there.”

The inner pocket, containing his rolled-up socks, jostled. He reached in and grabbed her, instantly feeling a set of sharp teeth sink into his thumb.

“Ouch!” He pulled his hand away, but the tiny fairy was latched on. “Stop that! Let go.”

“No untew you tsay yes,” she mumbled with her mouth on his thumb.

Dear gods, he was wasting valuable time and would miss his flight if she kept this up. “Fine. You can come, but no drama, no humping random objects—especially in public—and absolutely no using my toothbrush as a sex toy.” Odd that he had to call out such things, but Pet was a sex fairy. Her entire being revolved around behaving like a little pervert.

Pet released his thumb and stood on his immaculately pressed travel suit. “Can I use your hairbrush?”

Damien growled with a stern look.

“Fine,” she conceded with solemn eyes, “I’ll behave.”

“Good. Now let’s hurry. I want to swing by the shop on the way to the airport. I have to make sure MF is set to run things on her own while I am away.”

“You didn’t invite her?” Pet asked.

“Why would I? Time is of the essence, and I will get the task done faster if I go it alone.” Besides, only a man such as himself could truly understand and persuade this jungle vampire to come out of the shadows. Damien knew what it was like to revel in one’s solitude.

Never alone, tailor.

“Don’t remind me, you evil beast,” Damien grumbled. What he wouldn’t give to truly have his life to himself. But as things stood, he had to be content with only having Pet as his tagalong. She was easy enough to ignore. His twin as well.


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